Sitting on my hands....
Ever since my retrieval earlier this month...I feel like I have been sitting on my hands. I know I go in for my baseline on Wednesday and my it was literally only 20 days ago that they took my eggs...it feels a lot longer. I hope all goes well and they say we can begin the process of putting my little frozen ones back in. At the beginning of all of this...I was SO optimistic and felt really good about the whole process and now...I am filled with doubt and gloom...please tell me it's the hormones???????
I sit and read all the wonderful success stories of all my beautiful friends that I have met...I read their stories and journeys and I am sooo excited for them. Then I open my facebook page and see all the YOUNG students of mine that have barely graduated from HIGH SCHOOL or not even graduated yet...that are announcing that they are pregnant. Gut Punch!!!!
So I have not been on DS or Facebook in a couple of days...I want to try to clear my head before it becomes polluted with negativity and anger and sadness and jealousy and.....every other emotion out there.
How do I react to this??? How do I put away the doubt and fear that is beginning to settle in and replace it with the excitement and joy that I had at the beginning of this process???? Even my DH is starting to worry about me...he has seen me go down this road and it is not a pretty sight for anyone.
Not sure what I need to hear or do...just wanted to write a few thoughts down...maybe it will help me come out of this "doom and gloom" that I feel that I am falling into.
Need some sunshine...fast!!!!
I sit and read all the wonderful success stories of all my beautiful friends that I have met...I read their stories and journeys and I am sooo excited for them. Then I open my facebook page and see all the YOUNG students of mine that have barely graduated from HIGH SCHOOL or not even graduated yet...that are announcing that they are pregnant. Gut Punch!!!!
So I have not been on DS or Facebook in a couple of days...I want to try to clear my head before it becomes polluted with negativity and anger and sadness and jealousy and.....every other emotion out there.
How do I react to this??? How do I put away the doubt and fear that is beginning to settle in and replace it with the excitement and joy that I had at the beginning of this process???? Even my DH is starting to worry about me...he has seen me go down this road and it is not a pretty sight for anyone.
Not sure what I need to hear or do...just wanted to write a few thoughts down...maybe it will help me come out of this "doom and gloom" that I feel that I am falling into.
Need some sunshine...fast!!!!
Replies
I relate to you on how it feels to just wait around. I had a similar situation where I had to freeze all my embryos after the ER. Here I was leading up to the ER thinking I would be PUPO or even pregnant a week or two after the ER, come to find out that I have to wait even longer. I actually had my ER in March and had to wait until late June to put them back in. It was a trying time and like you, I felt like the excitement/joy was being robbed from me. I really hope you get get happy, positive and excited again for your FET and I hope your appointment goes well. I definitely got excited again (maybe it was the long wait) but also more pessimistic. Good luck - rooting for you!
I\'m sorry things have not worked out the way you had hoped. Infertility has a way of throwing a million curveballs. When I started on this journey 5+ years ago I never thought It would have taken so long to get a BFP. Just a few months ago after my 2nd laparoscopy to remove endo, I had hoped I would be ready for IVF by September only to find I had to wait until November to start. 3 months to a girl who has waited for years already seems like an eternity. Don\'t be too hard on yourself about feeling negative. I too felt really negative and my shrink said I was just protecting my heart. I am really hopeful that waiting and doing a FET is exactly what your body needed to get that elusive BFP!!
I\'m sorry IF is full of waiting. It freaking sucks. Try to enjoy the holidays as much as you can, and try to enjoy some couple time with DH. I think IF makes it hard to remember that our marriages are still the glue that we need to push through these shitty times. Maybe you can take a little weekend vacay or have a fun date night. Thinking about you friend :)