Sitting and Thinking

I've never actually taken the time to sit and truly think about myself, maybe even fully appreciate myself for that matter. Here are some things I know about myself:

1.) I'm in a committed relationship with a man I adore. But I constantly think I annoy him with my neediness and clinginess for that matter. I know he loves me and one day wants to marry me. Even my family likes him.

2.) I have an eleven year old doberman pincher who's name is Gypsy. She's like my furry child. She's spoiled rotten and I'm pleased to say she hasn't shown any sort of hip disease in her growing old age. I've had her since I was twelve.

3.) Personally, I don't give myself enough credit. I let my anxiety and depression take me over most days and I'm left to sit and wonder why I am this way and why I can't just be normal. But, damn it, I'm doing the best I can.

4.) I've got an addictive personality. I smoke cigarettes, a disgusting habit which one day I hope to stop. I've struggled with the use of drugs and pills to help quiet my brain, thankfully I pulled myself out of that rut while I still had some sense in me. Recently though, I'm currently struggling with alcohol. When my boyfriend works nights, it gives me sort of this liquid courage to fall asleep at night. Another addiction in which I wish to overcome.

5.) I'm an avid Poe reader. I love most of his works and love learning new things about him. Surprisingly though, he wasn't the one to get me into writing. It was my 8th grade english teacher who actually took the time to encourage and acknowledge my writing. For that, I will be forever grateful.

6.) I practice Wicca. I'm fairly new at it, but I'm learning every day. Yes, it could very well be all in my head, but you know, I go to these full moon parties where a group of us gather our crystals and cleanse them in the moonlight. It keeps me sane throughout the month. And the women (and sometimes men) who join together for these groups are very decent people. Always nice spending time with them.

7.) And finally, I realized while writing this that most of the things I mentioned were not in fact too much about myself as they were about my experiences. I hope in the coming days, weeks, months, and years to overcome that and truly love myself. That's one of the many reasons why I joined this site in the first place. To find myself and love myself.