sitting alone, awake in pain

sitting aloneawake in painslumber so far offsitting aloneliving alone, but with so many around my pain flaresshhhh... dont make a sound"He is only faking" "He is in no pain"thats what 'they' say'they' dont know the agony they dont know pain, the self loathing is it my fault??when 'they' DRILL and DRILL it into my head"its in you thoughts" "you feel nothing""you are weak" no back up no protectioncant even look at my own reflectionwhat i see, i hatewhat they see-- isnt the real me. "weak.. weak.. weak.."i know alone i may be weaki know alone i may be against myselfi have so many that try to make me strong and i say i am. when they are around. i need to believe in them and stop lying to myself.ill live ill get strongerim hoping next time 'he' will stay around longer 'he' said i was beautifulI believed him!'he' said i was a princeI believed him! well 'he" is gone and moved on so for now i will remain,sitting alone awake in pain