Sister Snot Knots
I have 5 sisters. All 6 of us are tough bitches in one manifestation or another. Just ask our female dogs. They have a kajillion non-verbal ways to communicate their awareness of who the Alpha Bitch is. Don't insult our dogs with what too often gets called, "Bitch." A real bitch wouldn't do such things, with or without the designer shoes and youthfully tinted hair.
When I drop my external defenses and address the deep wounds which nurtured those tough defenses, it is hard for me to take 3 steps without hitting a sister snot knot. Double the trouble for any time any 2 of us attempt to discuss the too many traumas we shared in our respective childhoods. Our birth years span from 1948 to 1964. Our perspectives span some of herstory's most rapid and radical changes. Our shared herstory spans from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean. In addition to the family dysfunction weirds, we have a fairly wide range of cultural conditioning.
With the blessings of psychotherapists, I have deliberately avoided sibling snot knots in formal therapy and peer support groups. My psychoses(pl) are complex enough to need priority lists. I have 5 brothers, as well. They aren't as tough as the sisters, but they contribute snot knots of their own. I have dealt with them as they have penetrated the 1800 mile barrier I maintain between my birth family and my adult life, but I have mostly worked to keep all of my siblings on the other side of that barrier in hopes of selfish healing.
My sisters-in-healing have, without intent or even awareness, challenged that avoidance far more than any other source. 5 sisters gives me a fairly broad base of sister-triggers. It is fairly routine for members of my therapy support network to remind me of traumas perpetrated by and/or shared with my blood sisters. I feel mean when I call the most problematic of my sisters, "Pimp Sis," but I'm still looking for a more compassionate name which doesn't put Cinderella bandaids on some deeply infected wounds. The Pimp Sis triggers include rapid-cycling ex'es, victim posturing, alternate sex platforms (bi, etc.), and continual political corrections for everything. "That's not ice cream. It's frozen dairy product."
Sorting. . . Sorta. . . Mostly reminding myself that there are posts I should be avoiding. Is it too radical to think of the avoidance as, "Recusing myself for personal bias." Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
Replies
Huge hugs and support Arfie! Many many hugs of support.
TW
My sister has always been a major trigger for PTSD adventures, as she is the actual source of several years of traumatic abuse during my childhood. It’s taken decades to even have a civil conversation with each other and it wasn’t until she came out that she was transgender and started the requisite intense therapy prior to gender reassignment surgery that we finally began repairing the years of damage and addressing the trauma so we can heal. (My Sister was born with the chance she could be male or female - my parents were warned/given choice, but my sister grew up as a male which led to a lot of abusive aggression)
In my own way, I can relate and my heart is with you.
Hugs & love!
lots of healing Arfie and a Huge Wall of 1800 miles to block, until you are ready, for head to toe wellness and safety
Uh-oh. . .
You won't get me within a mile of the political end of all that, but strangers call me, "Sir" far more often than "Ma'am." I don't find it offensive. I let it pass whenever possible and soothe embarrassment in the folks who catch the faux pas. I figure it goes with the engineering turf. My androgynous appearance cleans up equally nice for the PTA ventures. It's all in the costume.
"Pimp Sis" has probably passed through all the gender/sex clubs in her colorful journey. I don't know that she committed so far as visiting the doctors for those yaddahs, but her transgender phase was still laced with her love of acting out. I don't know that she didn't commit to the surgery, either. Commitment isn't her strong suit, but stranger things have happened. I'm not curious enough to find out where she lives so I can ask.
Whether or not child siblings acting out on/with one is child abuse is another debate I don't wanna choose sides on. I sidestep those debates with healing hopes for all. No exceptions. Even Pimp Sis.
Did I mention that the 6 sisters were/are far meaner than the 5 brothers in my family? That imbalance hasn't gotten any nicer since profiling became a popular pass time. Girls get help. Boys get profiled.
I just took the PTSD forum off my Newsfeed. AKA: leaving the group. I don't know if that is permanent or just taking a break. For sure I have long had a sense that the PTSD forum is being taken over by the "Break-ups and Divorce" forum. I already have entirely too much STBX drama in my life. Can I study ignorance of those rituals? Even the proper platitudes and side-taking protocols?
Dunno. . . For now I just wanna see if getting that forum off my newsfeed lightens up the sister triggers.
Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
I didn’t know we could take ourselves off the forums. That’s actually a good idea, Arfie and I think I’ll follow your lead on that one. The news feed was the biggest trigger the last few months that made it so difficult to even login to DS without having my anxiety hit overdrive.
Hugs & loves.
Tweaking the Newsfeed can make a huge diff in my symptom management. It is as easy to unjoin a group as it is to join. I can rejoin later after I've worked through whatever problem set is pushing my psycho buttons. There are more options for tweaking your newsfeed on your profile edit page.
Good to know. Thank you Arfie