As the days go by I feel myself sinking further and further. I have fought and fought. Honestly, I am sick and tired of fighting. I don't have any fight left in me today. I want to start drinking and keep on drinking until I pass out. I don't want to have to feel anymore or cope anymore or struggle to make it through the day anymore. This is affecting every aspect of my life. I am still going to work but I know it is just a matter of time until I am not able to function there anymore. I have a bottle and I have been sitting here looking at it all night since I got home from work. I know that if I pick up I could lose everything/everybody I love and that would not be good, but I am already losing them because of the state I am in. My ma isn't hardly talking to me anymore. My sponsor is not around. I feel like I am all alone and I don't like it. Maybe everybody would be happier if I wasn't around anymore.