As the days go by I feel myself sinking further and further.  I have fought and fought.  Honestly, I am sick and tired of fighting.  I don't have any fight left in me today.  I want to start drinking and keep on drinking until I pass out.  I don't want to have to feel anymore or cope anymore or struggle to make it through the day anymore.  This is affecting every aspect of my life.  I am still going to work but I know it is just a matter of time until I am not able to function there anymore.  I have a bottle and I have been sitting here looking at it all night since I got home from work.  I know that if I pick up I could lose everything/everybody I love and that would not be good, but I am already losing them because of the state I am in.  My ma isn't hardly talking to me anymore.  My sponsor is not around.  I feel like I am all alone and I don't like it.  Maybe everybody would be happier if I wasn't around anymore.