since i've been away,
It's been a while since I've been active on DS. I'm sorry if I worried anyone, but sometimes I find this site triggering so I stray for a period of time. But I'm back now! And here's all the things I've been up to since my last update:
First thing that happened was I moved in with my oldest sister. She lives in Idaho with her husband and two young kids. It was nice in the beginning, but when it got to be around Christmas time my mom offered to buy me a ticket home for the holidays. When I came home I realized how lonely I was at my sisters. I didn't have anybody. But, I promised to stay throughout the summer and I was going to stick to it until the night before I was supposed to head back to Idaho. I was talking to her about how my friend and I planned to move in together when I came back to Oregon witch she took as an 'I'm not coming back' and freaked out. She called me all these horrible names, said I was worthless and that I used her. The decision to stay home sort of made itself.
That's when my trich started getting really bad. I have no hair on the back of my head now. None. I can't wear it down at all and it's taking forever to grow back. 3 of my friends know about my trich, no one else. my family doesn't know.
After a while I started getting really depressed again. Wanting to cut, over eating. And I gained a lot of weight. I'm the heaviest I've ever been right now at 146. Makes me want to vomit even thinking about it... I'm so disappointed in myself. I've been working out with friends 3 days a week but it's doing nothing, so I've gone back to starving. It's only been a few days and it's always hard in the beginning, I know, but I have faith that it's going to work this time.
And lastly, I got cast in my first professional show! It's Godspell and I couldn't be more thrilled(: everyone who I've ever heard that has done the show says it's the most wonderful and life changing production they've ever been a part of, so I'm really exited. This is my first step to my career as an actress(: the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful life.<3
I still do have some problems, though... I've been really lonely lately. Like, extremely. I haven't even liked someone in months. But I never really go out either, so it's not like I'm actually trying. I don't know... I feel weird complaining about it, but after years of watching everyone around you have someone that loves them and seeing how happy they are the thought just creeps in your head. The one that says why don't i have that?
And I still don't have my license. I know it's completely on me, but it's still frustrating. I just need to get off my ass one day and get it done. I do have my permit, though! I just that other piece of paper :p
Sooo.... that has been my life for the last few months! I'm looking forward to catching up with all you guys(: I've missed you!
First thing that happened was I moved in with my oldest sister. She lives in Idaho with her husband and two young kids. It was nice in the beginning, but when it got to be around Christmas time my mom offered to buy me a ticket home for the holidays. When I came home I realized how lonely I was at my sisters. I didn't have anybody. But, I promised to stay throughout the summer and I was going to stick to it until the night before I was supposed to head back to Idaho. I was talking to her about how my friend and I planned to move in together when I came back to Oregon witch she took as an 'I'm not coming back' and freaked out. She called me all these horrible names, said I was worthless and that I used her. The decision to stay home sort of made itself.
That's when my trich started getting really bad. I have no hair on the back of my head now. None. I can't wear it down at all and it's taking forever to grow back. 3 of my friends know about my trich, no one else. my family doesn't know.
After a while I started getting really depressed again. Wanting to cut, over eating. And I gained a lot of weight. I'm the heaviest I've ever been right now at 146. Makes me want to vomit even thinking about it... I'm so disappointed in myself. I've been working out with friends 3 days a week but it's doing nothing, so I've gone back to starving. It's only been a few days and it's always hard in the beginning, I know, but I have faith that it's going to work this time.
And lastly, I got cast in my first professional show! It's Godspell and I couldn't be more thrilled(: everyone who I've ever heard that has done the show says it's the most wonderful and life changing production they've ever been a part of, so I'm really exited. This is my first step to my career as an actress(: the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful life.<3
I still do have some problems, though... I've been really lonely lately. Like, extremely. I haven't even liked someone in months. But I never really go out either, so it's not like I'm actually trying. I don't know... I feel weird complaining about it, but after years of watching everyone around you have someone that loves them and seeing how happy they are the thought just creeps in your head. The one that says why don't i have that?
And I still don't have my license. I know it's completely on me, but it's still frustrating. I just need to get off my ass one day and get it done. I do have my permit, though! I just that other piece of paper :p
Sooo.... that has been my life for the last few months! I'm looking forward to catching up with all you guys(: I've missed you!
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