Sigh. May be TMI
I'm feeling frustrated today.
About a month ago I called the doc and said I need help because the Lyrica wasn't doing anything except making me swell and now I've gained back the weight I had lost and more. Talk about carb cravings! I do well during the day and then at night, when I'm finally alone and can relax some, I want sugar. I want sweet popcorn. Sweet and salty. I could go in and buy candybars and have them eaten before I leave the parkinglot. They doubled my Lyrica to 150 2x a day.
Yet I have no desire for anything good. Fruits and vegetables. Ugh, do I have to? And I love vegetables! I know I do! Do I have to cook? My feet. OMGOSH my feet hurt, especially my right foot, the awful pain in the heel. Sitting here on the sofa, both feet flat on the ground it doesn't hurt, but the moment I get up or move my foot it's going to feel as though someone is driving a railroad spike through the heel of my foot. The left one too, but not like the right one.My arms hurt and my neck and shoulders hurt, but I attempt to relax that tension. Lyrica has not done jack crap to ease my pain. I still get headaches frequently. I still get tingling in my hands and feet. I still have numbness in my right middle finger. Other fingers are also numb, but not to the extent that the right middle finger is. WTFizzle has happened to me?
I need some kind of pain medicine for the break through pain. I drank alcohol. ME. I broke my religious convictions in search of pain relief. I did not get so much as a buzz and then I have the guilt on top of it. I had not had alcohol in 7 or 8 YEARS!! I'm considering medical marijuana because I am getting no relief from anything. I know that is not within my church rules, either, but if I do not get pain meds from my doctor, what am I to do??? There has to be help and I have to feel better. How can I get my house under control and my eating under control when cooking a normal meal exhausts every bit of energy I can muster?
Then there are the intimacy issues I have.
I have NO FEELING of attraction or desire for any man. I don't fantasize about some man other than my husband. I could care less about having sex. I do not feel sexual at all. Gaining weight does not help matters, but I know this is an important part of a marital relationship. What in the heck am I to do? It's not all mental. I know it's chemical -- whether from Cymbalta or Lyrica or the combination of the two, there is NOTHING. Do not care at all. Then my hands fall asleep. He says he doesn't want me to go through with something if I am not in the mood for it. What is a woman to do when she is never in the mood for it? How does one talk to a doctor honestly about this? And then ask for pain meds because it's going to hurt like HELL, not only in my limbs but in my womanly parts, no matter how much KY is in the room. Why the hell has my body just given up? It's enough to feel depressed, if I wasn't already taking Cymbalta before! ARGH!
And truth is, I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my life. I have a good life and I'm not unhappy overall. I am just dissatisfied with "making-do" over and over until I cannot make do anymore. That's where I'm at. Making do is not sufficient.But I am going to keep on keeping on. I am not going to be controlled by what has happened to me. I am going to choose what I am going to become. If the rheumatologist won't help me, I'll find someone who will. Whether I have to drive a lot to a pain management clinic or whatever, I'm going to make my life better so it will be better for my kids and husband and ME. I'm worth saving.dea
About a month ago I called the doc and said I need help because the Lyrica wasn't doing anything except making me swell and now I've gained back the weight I had lost and more. Talk about carb cravings! I do well during the day and then at night, when I'm finally alone and can relax some, I want sugar. I want sweet popcorn. Sweet and salty. I could go in and buy candybars and have them eaten before I leave the parkinglot. They doubled my Lyrica to 150 2x a day.
Yet I have no desire for anything good. Fruits and vegetables. Ugh, do I have to? And I love vegetables! I know I do! Do I have to cook? My feet. OMGOSH my feet hurt, especially my right foot, the awful pain in the heel. Sitting here on the sofa, both feet flat on the ground it doesn't hurt, but the moment I get up or move my foot it's going to feel as though someone is driving a railroad spike through the heel of my foot. The left one too, but not like the right one.My arms hurt and my neck and shoulders hurt, but I attempt to relax that tension. Lyrica has not done jack crap to ease my pain. I still get headaches frequently. I still get tingling in my hands and feet. I still have numbness in my right middle finger. Other fingers are also numb, but not to the extent that the right middle finger is. WTFizzle has happened to me?
I need some kind of pain medicine for the break through pain. I drank alcohol. ME. I broke my religious convictions in search of pain relief. I did not get so much as a buzz and then I have the guilt on top of it. I had not had alcohol in 7 or 8 YEARS!! I'm considering medical marijuana because I am getting no relief from anything. I know that is not within my church rules, either, but if I do not get pain meds from my doctor, what am I to do??? There has to be help and I have to feel better. How can I get my house under control and my eating under control when cooking a normal meal exhausts every bit of energy I can muster?
Then there are the intimacy issues I have.
I have NO FEELING of attraction or desire for any man. I don't fantasize about some man other than my husband. I could care less about having sex. I do not feel sexual at all. Gaining weight does not help matters, but I know this is an important part of a marital relationship. What in the heck am I to do? It's not all mental. I know it's chemical -- whether from Cymbalta or Lyrica or the combination of the two, there is NOTHING. Do not care at all. Then my hands fall asleep. He says he doesn't want me to go through with something if I am not in the mood for it. What is a woman to do when she is never in the mood for it? How does one talk to a doctor honestly about this? And then ask for pain meds because it's going to hurt like HELL, not only in my limbs but in my womanly parts, no matter how much KY is in the room. Why the hell has my body just given up? It's enough to feel depressed, if I wasn't already taking Cymbalta before! ARGH!
And truth is, I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my life. I have a good life and I'm not unhappy overall. I am just dissatisfied with "making-do" over and over until I cannot make do anymore. That's where I'm at. Making do is not sufficient.But I am going to keep on keeping on. I am not going to be controlled by what has happened to me. I am going to choose what I am going to become. If the rheumatologist won't help me, I'll find someone who will. Whether I have to drive a lot to a pain management clinic or whatever, I'm going to make my life better so it will be better for my kids and husband and ME. I'm worth saving.dea
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