(Sigh)

I don't know what happened today. I backtracked and lied worse than usual today. Just one after another. Just made me want to shut myself off from the world so that I can't lie to anyone else ever again. 

I, of course, know that is not the answer, but it sure would be easier. I am so ashamed. I just don't get it. I felt like I was starting to make maybe a tiny bit of progress.

I asked God for help, but it's like I closed the door in his face when he showed up. It's time to go back to church. I've said I would so many times, yet end up going back to bed. I'm wanting to say "I will" again, but I can only say it is my desire to do so, and I'll try to find that motivation.

I had an upset stomach yesterday, and it is better today but still kinda there. It is true that I don't want to make anyone else sick, but doubt that will actually be a factor tomorrow. I sure could use a hand on my shoukder right now...just someone to take the reigns for a day, just an acknowledgement that I am not alone.