Sigh.

Another one of my friends is wrestling with potential infidelity in her marriage.

I say potential because she hasn't found any definitive proof, but based on some of her "hey, this doesn't add up" facts, I sort of agree that there's something not cool going on.  As I told her - even if there is no other woman, he's being a pretty horrible husband with absolutely no regard to her feelings and well being.  Why would want to deal with that in their marriage?

Truthfully, I think most of us wrestle with it at some point or another, but when it's prolonged and the other partner is totally remorseless and refuses to even consider it a problem... sigh.

Yeah. 

I'm trying to be her support person, but it's taking its toll because I'm not exactly the best at self care.  To be fair, I'm also wrestling with all kinds of exciting stuff with my own kids and family.  We allowed Middle Kiddo to move back in - it was supposed to be for the duration of six weeks while he got his driver's license, a bank account, and saved up some money.  He did all those things, but then begged for more time to figure things out.  Since he seemed "on track" I felt like it was OK to extend that time.  My mistake.  He shortly thereafter quit his job, blew all his money, and stopped following all of our rules.

Then there are the issues with my daughter...

Sigh.  We've spent THOUSANDS of dollars over the last six months in an intensive therapy program.  Group therapy for her once a week, parent group therapy for us once a week, individual therapy for her once a week, plus seeing a psychiatrist every 3 weeks and a once-a-month family counseling session.  It felt like it was a slow grind but that we were making progress.  Until we weren't and she completely fell apart.  Yay PTSD and triggers!  It was against everything we had learned for six months, but I felt entirely and completely defeated. 

I'm back on board again and realizing it wasn't the end of the world, but rather just a bump in the road and there will be many, many, many more and that this counseling isn't about smoothing the road, but learning how to best handle the bumps... but geeze.  It's really hard not to throw one's hands up in defeat.

The good news is that she's been turning her grades around and seems to be "more herself" this last week after realizing what the original trigger was and talking about her therapist about ways to deal with these types of things.  The bad news is - she's 16 and all 16 y/os are stupid.

Seriously.

OK, that wasn't really the bad news... but I don't feel like going into the 23 y/o she's taken up with and how she's in "LURVE" with him and how they're gonna get married and have babies and he's the best thing since high speed internet.  (Can you hear my eyes rolling out of my head?)  Yeah.  I just can't go there. (OK I just did, but...)

All this is taking it's toll on Huz and I.  We don't fight anymore, but the last few weeks we've come dangerously close.  No... I'm not making that up, by the way, we seriously don't fight anymore.  We have lots of conflicts and navigating our ways through those conflicts definitely gets emotional, but no more yelling and screaming, no more slamming doors or saying snide, mean things.  Generally, we use pretty good techniques for discussing the situation as we see it, explaining our feelings about the situation, asking for what we want/need, then sort of upping the ante by explaining how getting what we want/need will be beneficial for our partner.  So what's the deal lately?  I think we're both feeling so helpless about what the snot to do with the kids that we're both drained.  We have dead batteries and keep leaning on each other for support - but there's no support to be had.  And then the resentment kicks up and we're like "BUT I ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU!" and then "BUT YOU'RE NOT SUPPORTING ME NOW!"  "YES BUT I NEED SUPPORT TOO!"

And... on. 

He scheduled a night away in a hotel with a jacuzzi tub... on a night with no one to supervise our stupid 16 year old (sorry, I keep saying that because it feels good to get it out of my system... forgive the judgemental terminology) and... we were supposed to take said stupid 16 y/o to get her passport taken care of AND he wanted to pop twice as much as I could have gotten the room for AND we still owe money for this month's counseling AND... he didn't bother to check with me because he wanted to "surprise" me... so yay.  Surprise.  Cancel the reservations, we can't go.

I feel awful about being so angry at him for trying to do something nice that fell apart.  His heart was in the right place - it was just the everything else that fell apart.  I ended up reserving a room for next weekend (plenty of time to foist the Stupid Daughter (tm) off on someone) and for half the price and on a weekend when we have literally nothing else scheduled AND when the weather should be quite pleasant.  Hopefully, it'll make up for me shooting daggers into his romantic gesture.  I hope.  I want him to know I love him and want to go away with him.  Plus... we need ... NEED ... the alone time.

Plus plus plus... I hate this house.  I don't have a bathtub.  What the heck?  Sigh.  So it'll be nice to take ten million baths over the course of less than 24 hours.  Or at least two, maybe three.  ;)

I need to fall back into my Mindfulness practicing again, because I just can't handle how stressed out I am.  It's literally killing me.  (The health related post will have to wait for another day.  I need to sleep.)

I will say, I am really tired of volunteering where I'm not wanted (but often "needed") and I don't enjoy it or get anything beneficial from it.  Time for me to grow a pair and practice my FAST skill where I stick to my own values and needs and tell them to bugger off.  Then maybe I'll get more and BETTER sleep and be even less stressed.

Maybe.

Sigh.