Sick of this

I always think back on my first two years of recovery and when I do there is a strange sense of pride about it. My mind was so dark and anxious but amongst all of this, memories come up that depict me being the strongest person that i've been in a long time. After that long stretch I then hit therapy and nwo after 5 years of it I am taking an approach that is definately dicey but I believe to be worth it: fighting my own battle. When i say this I mean that I intend to keep at life, the bad and the good, until I finally find the state of mind that I was suppose to have from the beginning. A feeling of tranquility not within only my mind, but also a true enjoyement for where I have ended up. For the time being though I am truly ticked at where things have ended up and really hope that I can change this wicked and struggling life into someting amazing.