Sick and tired

I have been a food addict ever since I was a bored and lonely 7 year old. It started with potato chips while my brother was away at summer school and I had nothing to do, and no one to talk to. Thats when the stupid little habot started. As I got older, it progressed to fast food, and not just when lonely and depressed, but when happy or when I had achieved something as well.

I have wasted ridiculous amounts of money on garbage food.  I have avoided social gatherings which I wanted to go to after having binged, I have cancelled dates after having binged, I have skipped classes and events after having binged. I have been so unbearably frustrated with myself that I cant believe that Ive allowed it to persist for this long. It doesnt even make sense. But anytime that craving creeps up, nothing else seems to matter, nothing else seems to be stronger, my better judgement fails me, and I immediately justify whatever I happen to be craving like some stupid spoiled little brat. The guilt that comes afterward, and that has acumulated throughout my life, is staggering.

Ive always been overweight, but Im 26 now and have gained 50 pounds since highscool, and even worse than that, I have read numerous articles about how fast food can be linked not only to heart disease which is obvious, but also to an increased risk of developing cancer. 

I know this, and yet, I still gorge on it almost every day, sometimes multiple times per day. 

I have dieted and even made more serious attempts to permanently change my actual regular diet, there have been times when it has gone well. About a year or so ago I was successful and switched to a mediterranean diet (which I loved btw) at the urging of my doctor, and I lowered my cholesterol spectacularly and lost 40lbs within only a few months, and I have now reversed it entirely. 

I started moving back to a mediterranean diet and have been eating mostly that, but I have still also been eating fast food almost daily for the past 2 weeks. 

As well as being ashamed, I am extremely frustrated and dissapointed with myself.

I have goals and dreams, serious ones that are very important to me, and I refuse to allow this stupid little habit that has inexplicably persisted for the past 19 years to cut my life short once I achieve them, or worse, prevent me from achieving them all together.

So thats why Im here. I just finished my last fast food binge ever. Ive laid it all out on the table. Im done failing, this is over now. I dont ever have to eat fast food again, there is absolutely no good reason to eat it. There is plenty of healthy, wonderful tasting, nutrient dense food to choose from, I dont need super sugar and carbo-concentrated garbage anymore.

I have never sought out a support group before, I always thought Id pull it together on my own as I have everything else in my life. But I feel like I need the accountability. And I feel like I need to make this statement, at least psuedo-publically, because I am just sick and tired of failing over and over and over and over.

Whatever it takes, I will end this stupid little habit.