SIGNS
well, i think im really suposed to make this move. all that has to come into play is the money to do it. all the casinos out there are hiring. austin suddenly unexpectedly has to move out of his house. so it looks like we will get a 6 month lease on an apartment. and call it good. plan to move in march, or april, after Ariyah's first birthday. im ready to go, as much as i will miss the trees here.
Things are kinda coming along with the Sperm donor. cant say how i feel about it.
he hasnt asked to see her, and we have spoken once, because his cobb made him call.
pretty much same old story, me talking, him not understanding and trying to fight and tell me he has done everything he can, all that is required of him, and doesnt need to do nothing more.
he only plans on paying the bare minimum towards the back pay, wich is 25 bucks.
we are going to court on the 12th next month. because i dont agree with him being able to file her on his taxes, or the fact that day care costs were not included in the calculations.
honestly, i wish i was in the position to push him to sign off his rights and be done with him. she has a daddy, i dont want her to grow up with this crap from matt. his inconsistency. he has proven he cant be an adult. and has turned against even his parents. they were trying to tell him how much she looked like him, how she was, and he wouldnt hear it, said they adopted him when he was 3, so how the hell would the know if she looked like him cause they had no idea what he looked like as a baby. and i guess when he was talkin to his parents, his girlfriend that he lives with , was in the background telling him what to say. SHE worries me. because i know he is serious about it because he told his parents about living with her. i dont know how smart she is. i dont care if he has a girl, dont get me wrong, i dont care if he is fucking a goat for that matter, but he will listen to her, so she can affect the way he acts. or whether or not he wants to see my daughter. and how he interacts with her. this is none of her business. she best keep away from me.
austin says im going about this all wrong. says i think wrong about it. but i cant help how i feel.
80 percent of all this is about Ariyah. but there is and always will be that 20% about me.
about what he did to me and what he took from me. im happy with my life right now. but what i went through wasnt easy... and there will always be a part of me lost to that. not to him. but to the entire experience. but part of me does want him to at least recognize what he did to me, but i know he never will. sometimes i want to hold her up to him, and scream at him, look at her, just look at her you piece of shit.... look at what you will never be a part of... look at what i made, on my own, without you. i really just want the chance to be able to look him in the eye. and say... FUCK YOU.
thats it. i would be happy. but thinking about her... i dont want him to hurt her. i dont want him to confuse her.
i want him to be the best father he could ever possibly be, and just stay away.
and i really want this move to happen!!!!!
Things are kinda coming along with the Sperm donor. cant say how i feel about it.
he hasnt asked to see her, and we have spoken once, because his cobb made him call.
pretty much same old story, me talking, him not understanding and trying to fight and tell me he has done everything he can, all that is required of him, and doesnt need to do nothing more.
he only plans on paying the bare minimum towards the back pay, wich is 25 bucks.
we are going to court on the 12th next month. because i dont agree with him being able to file her on his taxes, or the fact that day care costs were not included in the calculations.
honestly, i wish i was in the position to push him to sign off his rights and be done with him. she has a daddy, i dont want her to grow up with this crap from matt. his inconsistency. he has proven he cant be an adult. and has turned against even his parents. they were trying to tell him how much she looked like him, how she was, and he wouldnt hear it, said they adopted him when he was 3, so how the hell would the know if she looked like him cause they had no idea what he looked like as a baby. and i guess when he was talkin to his parents, his girlfriend that he lives with , was in the background telling him what to say. SHE worries me. because i know he is serious about it because he told his parents about living with her. i dont know how smart she is. i dont care if he has a girl, dont get me wrong, i dont care if he is fucking a goat for that matter, but he will listen to her, so she can affect the way he acts. or whether or not he wants to see my daughter. and how he interacts with her. this is none of her business. she best keep away from me.
austin says im going about this all wrong. says i think wrong about it. but i cant help how i feel.
80 percent of all this is about Ariyah. but there is and always will be that 20% about me.
about what he did to me and what he took from me. im happy with my life right now. but what i went through wasnt easy... and there will always be a part of me lost to that. not to him. but to the entire experience. but part of me does want him to at least recognize what he did to me, but i know he never will. sometimes i want to hold her up to him, and scream at him, look at her, just look at her you piece of shit.... look at what you will never be a part of... look at what i made, on my own, without you. i really just want the chance to be able to look him in the eye. and say... FUCK YOU.
thats it. i would be happy. but thinking about her... i dont want him to hurt her. i dont want him to confuse her.
i want him to be the best father he could ever possibly be, and just stay away.
and i really want this move to happen!!!!!
Replies
You don\'t care if he\'s f\'ing a goat? Poor goat! lol Just teasing you. I sure understand how you feel about wanting him out of your life, and how you want to protect Ariyah from his new girl friend (the ol\' goat, butting in on the conversation, in the background), both idiots! So, you and Austin are getting pretty serious, nudge, nudge, wink, wink! ;) I\'m so grateful Austin loves you and Ariyah, he\'s one lucky guy. Yeah, I said it...Lucky! lol Compulsive gamblers are allowed to say that! I bet lots of them say lucky! lol You get that child support, make him acknowledge his responsibility. For Ariyah. Thinking of you, be good ;) Love you, Robin
Hi there girl! I\'ve been reading your journal entries..trip to AZ, possible move, Austin in your life, the Matt crap (f\'ing a goat LOL ), and through it all, one thing stands out...your love for your daughter. I am so happy she has you...with your life situation, you could have gone in any direction, but you stuck it out, you are doing the right thing by your child...and what a great thing that is. I am so happy for you and for Ariyah. I know, your life is still hard, and complicated, and decisions still to be made..and there\'s always the money issue, but your strength will get you through, even when you think it won\'t. Hang in there, be proud of who you are...take care
hugs, Brigette
Be patient, hon; he will get his. You know how the Universe works; and so will she. Just wait; she will get dumped, too. Just take the money; he owes it to his daughter. And to you.