Show of anger from me again!
I am still frustrated about things coming from beliefs that my family does not need me. I am trapped between my dreams about being in the US military or doing a job in Pakistan. How can I do some thing for my family? One way is to get to the US, be into the profession whose basics I learned so far: I mean the military profession. The other way can be to forget my dreams and be a teacher forever. I am confused! This keeps me thinking. What adds to this are the harsh living conditions that almost every Pakistani is facing these days. This is daily shortage of gas in the homes. The government has announced a 2 days SUPPLY OFF policy for CNG (Compressed Natural Gas) for cars also. So it is cold here while you get up from your sleep and want to take a bath but do not find hot water. Pakistani women are not able to cook their daily meals. Some times they are sending their children and husband to schools without giving them breakfast. It is hard to cook the mid day's meal too for the gas supply is little. Now with a sick mother and a naive sister (who does not even remember what clothes did she wash for me and where did she place them after getting them dried in the sun. I guess I have to quit expecting them to be 100% as they so kindly had been till this time in my life. Mother is sick now with cancer. Sister can not take care of the whole household with that much of energy as we will expect from a more 'normal' girl (she is a mystery case of her own). I will have to respond to the offer from the academy brought to me by a man I admire. Our unfulfilled expectations from others make us frustrated and then it is a show of anger on the weaker ones around you. I need help to control it. I need prayers for our mother to be healthy and our sister to be strong and wise.
Replies
hey
i\'m prayin for u
bt u know wat if u want god\'s help u\'ll \'ve to help ur self first
its grt tht u\'ve found the cause of ur anger
which as u said expecting things from oders
now wat u can do is not expect things from ur sister n mum
tht \'ld cut down on a lot of frustration
everytime u become angry because they \'ve nt done wat u expect dem to do
remind urself to stop expectin
this might help n eventually might become a habit
n u kno abt the choice tht u r talkin abt
u\'ll have to make it
nobody else \'ll make it for u
u know wat makin choice is - it is takin responsibility
takin charge of ur life
this is an oppurtunity to decide ur life for urself
dont shierk it
make a desicion on ur own
and stand by it
dont let oders bulldoze u
i\'ll pray to god tht the situation in ur country becomes better
n u get the chance to live the life u want
n ya grab the chance when it comes
I agree. You cannot help your family the most when you feel that you are being held back - it results in feelings that are not productive. It seems selfish to want things for oneself, but you will be in a better position to help your family when you are fulfilled.
Yes, you are frustrated with your sister. But she is who she is, and the only way she will will change is when she wants to change - nothing you do or say will help. I also agree with antorachakraborty. Let down some of your expectations of her and you will feel less frustrated. If doing more of your own laundry helps make peace for now, maybe that is the way to go. Think again that this situation may be only temporary. Your new job, wherever it may be, may move you to another place and you won\'t have to be around your sister.
In regards to you decision, I wonder what your mother wants you to do. She is the one most affected by your decision. You are in a difficult place, and in my opinion neither choice is perfect. I also pray for you, your situation, and the upcoming decisions you have to make with your future. You are in a tough spot in all present circumstances, and I wish you the best of luck.
I usually go with - Think with your HEAD, THEN with your HEART. Make a decision am CHOOSE to have NO regrets. Its that simple, BUT painful. Thus far I have endured. Maybe it will work for you too.
Good Luck!