Should I agree?
a couple months ago i received an large envelope. i opened it with curiosity and read the first couple of lines... I balled my eyes out.... and called my ex continuously until he answered his phone.. I must have yelled at him... cursed him out for over 2 hours.. asking him how he could do this to me. What i read was that he was filing for primary custody of my two children.
This is what happened... I had been with my ex for about 7 years... married for about 3.... i was a stay at home mom... but then the worst thing happened, that i wouldnt wish for anyone else. My ex fell ill. we went to the hospital only to find out that his kidneys were no longer working and needed to be put on dialysis. I was by his side everyday he was in the hospital... for a whole month and something days with my new born of 3 months and my 2 year old. I would not go home...would not leave his side... I was there for moral support, physical support... But i had no one to give me the support i needed to be strong... But anyways... he was finally let out we went home and only to find more bad news.... all of our bills were behind... rent was behind and my ex could not go back to work... so i worked up the courage to find work and leave my position as a full time mom to be a full time employee... I couldnt find work for 3 months... our bills piled and piled and as time went on the stress also piled on... Insurance bills and applications and proof of this and proof of that ( I didnt mention that my ex is an illegal immigrant) Bills and more phone calls and more doctor visits and immigration visits and it was a mess... Finally i i found the light in May... The only job i could find was to be an Life Insurance Agent... They made me believe that i could make soo much money and that it was sooo very easy blah blah blah.... Like it was the best job in the world. And I belived it. so i got tested got my license.. and started to work... as time moved on and i was an independent agent i notice i started to go to work at 8am and only to come home on some days at 9pm or even 10pm... then more time passed and i started to come at 11pm and even 12pm and then 1am then 2 am... I was putting in sooo many hours that i would only see my kids and my ex for an hour or 2 in the morning and only to see them sleeping at night. time moved on and i was making okay money... (insurance companies pay commission) One week i would make money then the following i didnt make any and it turned out i was making about 1500 to 2000 a month. Thats about an average work salary working from 9 to 5.... Thats when i really started to open up my eyes that this is not all that they said to me in the beginning and it was taking a toll on my marriage and the well being of my kids.... I said enough was enough and my ex and I got into a huge arguement and i said enough is enough... i couldnt handle it anymore.... so i told him it was time for to move on. So in december i started to look for a place to live... I was sooo confused and soo frustrated and depressed about my decesion that i didnt want my babies to see me this way. so i left them with dad. and i told their dad that when i was settled in my new place and had a new job that i would come back for them... 2014 i saw it as my new life... everything was gonna go great because i was on my own. well i found a new job but i worked 6 sometimes 7 days a week... so when i could i would go visit my children... and when i had off i took them to my new place and they would stay the night. well my first couple of paychecks went to all my bills... i would be left with nothing... I had to ask my mom and siblings for money for gas to go to work or even to see the kids. then about 2 months later i was let go... I am back to square one again... looking for a job... I went a month without money or work... I lost faith that i was gonna find work so i left my apartment and moved in with a guy who i was seeing at the time who had an extra room for me to move into... well.. It wasnt until May that i fount work... i started work only to find out that i wasnt going to get paid til June... More stress. less money and at this time i started to go blind not really but i would go out to drink to drown my sorrows...I would still see my kids but it wasnt as often cause i was working and i was still very faraway and it was wasting gas when i could not afford to be back and fourth. Its about mid to late June and i finally was able to get all my bills caught up and my relationship was getting more serious as time went by and I was ready to have the kids come back to me.. I told the father... that it was time and that i was going to find a nanny to be at home with them... to take them to the park, the pool, etc and i asked him to cooperate with me with the expense and he automatically said no.. that his mom could take care of the kids for free ( my ex is 30 and lives with mom) and i was angry and well i admit i did tell him that i was picking up the kids no matter what and that he was never going to see them again... I was angry... we all say harmful things when we are mad but never really mean them... I surely didnt.. well then i received those papers... and that takes us to the beginning of this entry...
I went to our first mediation about 3 weeks ago.. I was sooo nervous... i found myself in the waiting area with my ex, his sister(who hates me to death) and his lawyer... I panicked and texted my lawyer "Where are you".. The mediator called us in. and i walked in and my ex walked in and his lawyer walked in... I felt like i was being cornered. The lawyer started talking about the situation... making me look like i was a bad mom, that i abandoned my kids... and blah blah blah... I was very upset crying my eyes out because my lawyer was not present to back me up on my interests. No agreement was made... I stood firm... I give me that credit...
Mediator put in a recommendation that the kids should remain in custody with the father and that i was only allow to see them friday through Sunday and the following week Thursday through Saturday afternoon... I was soooo angry that she took his side!!!
This past friday my lawyer and my ex's lawyer got together so try to arrange something for us.... It turns out the ball is on my ex's court.... They want 50/50 one week off and one week on...and first right of refusal.... and blah blah... Now i have to make a decision to agree or to disagree.... or to not pay a single dime more (as my lawyer said) or pay the rest of the money and go to court only to find myself possibly in the same situation. of a 50/50 custody..... I dont know what to do... My kids are 3 and 1 and they still need their mother... and they need to be with me cause they need nurturing and love... and i am not saying they dont need their father but primarily they need to be with me....
I just dont know what to do....
This is what happened... I had been with my ex for about 7 years... married for about 3.... i was a stay at home mom... but then the worst thing happened, that i wouldnt wish for anyone else. My ex fell ill. we went to the hospital only to find out that his kidneys were no longer working and needed to be put on dialysis. I was by his side everyday he was in the hospital... for a whole month and something days with my new born of 3 months and my 2 year old. I would not go home...would not leave his side... I was there for moral support, physical support... But i had no one to give me the support i needed to be strong... But anyways... he was finally let out we went home and only to find more bad news.... all of our bills were behind... rent was behind and my ex could not go back to work... so i worked up the courage to find work and leave my position as a full time mom to be a full time employee... I couldnt find work for 3 months... our bills piled and piled and as time went on the stress also piled on... Insurance bills and applications and proof of this and proof of that ( I didnt mention that my ex is an illegal immigrant) Bills and more phone calls and more doctor visits and immigration visits and it was a mess... Finally i i found the light in May... The only job i could find was to be an Life Insurance Agent... They made me believe that i could make soo much money and that it was sooo very easy blah blah blah.... Like it was the best job in the world. And I belived it. so i got tested got my license.. and started to work... as time moved on and i was an independent agent i notice i started to go to work at 8am and only to come home on some days at 9pm or even 10pm... then more time passed and i started to come at 11pm and even 12pm and then 1am then 2 am... I was putting in sooo many hours that i would only see my kids and my ex for an hour or 2 in the morning and only to see them sleeping at night. time moved on and i was making okay money... (insurance companies pay commission) One week i would make money then the following i didnt make any and it turned out i was making about 1500 to 2000 a month. Thats about an average work salary working from 9 to 5.... Thats when i really started to open up my eyes that this is not all that they said to me in the beginning and it was taking a toll on my marriage and the well being of my kids.... I said enough was enough and my ex and I got into a huge arguement and i said enough is enough... i couldnt handle it anymore.... so i told him it was time for to move on. So in december i started to look for a place to live... I was sooo confused and soo frustrated and depressed about my decesion that i didnt want my babies to see me this way. so i left them with dad. and i told their dad that when i was settled in my new place and had a new job that i would come back for them... 2014 i saw it as my new life... everything was gonna go great because i was on my own. well i found a new job but i worked 6 sometimes 7 days a week... so when i could i would go visit my children... and when i had off i took them to my new place and they would stay the night. well my first couple of paychecks went to all my bills... i would be left with nothing... I had to ask my mom and siblings for money for gas to go to work or even to see the kids. then about 2 months later i was let go... I am back to square one again... looking for a job... I went a month without money or work... I lost faith that i was gonna find work so i left my apartment and moved in with a guy who i was seeing at the time who had an extra room for me to move into... well.. It wasnt until May that i fount work... i started work only to find out that i wasnt going to get paid til June... More stress. less money and at this time i started to go blind not really but i would go out to drink to drown my sorrows...I would still see my kids but it wasnt as often cause i was working and i was still very faraway and it was wasting gas when i could not afford to be back and fourth. Its about mid to late June and i finally was able to get all my bills caught up and my relationship was getting more serious as time went by and I was ready to have the kids come back to me.. I told the father... that it was time and that i was going to find a nanny to be at home with them... to take them to the park, the pool, etc and i asked him to cooperate with me with the expense and he automatically said no.. that his mom could take care of the kids for free ( my ex is 30 and lives with mom) and i was angry and well i admit i did tell him that i was picking up the kids no matter what and that he was never going to see them again... I was angry... we all say harmful things when we are mad but never really mean them... I surely didnt.. well then i received those papers... and that takes us to the beginning of this entry...
I went to our first mediation about 3 weeks ago.. I was sooo nervous... i found myself in the waiting area with my ex, his sister(who hates me to death) and his lawyer... I panicked and texted my lawyer "Where are you".. The mediator called us in. and i walked in and my ex walked in and his lawyer walked in... I felt like i was being cornered. The lawyer started talking about the situation... making me look like i was a bad mom, that i abandoned my kids... and blah blah blah... I was very upset crying my eyes out because my lawyer was not present to back me up on my interests. No agreement was made... I stood firm... I give me that credit...
Mediator put in a recommendation that the kids should remain in custody with the father and that i was only allow to see them friday through Sunday and the following week Thursday through Saturday afternoon... I was soooo angry that she took his side!!!
This past friday my lawyer and my ex's lawyer got together so try to arrange something for us.... It turns out the ball is on my ex's court.... They want 50/50 one week off and one week on...and first right of refusal.... and blah blah... Now i have to make a decision to agree or to disagree.... or to not pay a single dime more (as my lawyer said) or pay the rest of the money and go to court only to find myself possibly in the same situation. of a 50/50 custody..... I dont know what to do... My kids are 3 and 1 and they still need their mother... and they need to be with me cause they need nurturing and love... and i am not saying they dont need their father but primarily they need to be with me....
I just dont know what to do....
Replies
I got a text message from my lawyer after i wrote my first journal entry \" Did you talk to your ex about the custody?\" Me: \"No\" Lawyer: \" did you talk with him at all today?\" me: \" No why?\" I called and asked him what was going on... he told me my ex\'s lawyer called my lawyer telling him that i called him and was cursing him out and telling him that i was gonna see the kids when ever i wanted and that he was never going to see them again.... and now my ex doesnt want to settle outside of court... he wants to proceed with psychological evaluations and the whole process... I swear i didnt call him...!! why is he trying to lie his way through this?? what a jerk!