should be realieved

Well been a long while since i last posted, but having mixed feelings of all emotions. My daughter's father landed himself in jail for a warrant for failure to attend his court dates. Of all days on New years day. Very odd how that day went, was working a long shift and he kept calling anger and drunk as always i would answer and hang up or not even answer. As i finished up at work and waited for the bus to take me home, seemed like a long wait just standing there in the cold and i just started praying to the creator above, to my late relatives about all my troubles particularly his struggle with alcohol and why i keep staying. After praying for what felt like hours, the sun shined through and light snowflakes feel as if calming me telling me it will all work out. I felt safe and reassured, as i got bak i was relieved he wasnt bak from wherever he was. Then later in the nite my sister told me he just got thrown in before he even stepped in. He was found with a warrant. I felt bad for being at ease but why shouldnt i? Every drunking episode brought the evil in his eyes he didnt physically beat me but my what emotion distress he would put me through, from accusations of me cheating to him wanting to kill himself. What is happening to this man i fell in love with, who thought of me above and beyond, spoiled me not with gifts but his nuturing ways, the man my daughter thinks highly of, the silliness they both brought to my life. I miss it so to be like that everyday, not just 3 times a week. He calls me by collect call though i tell him our bills will climb, he begs me to get him out though i tell him i have no funds to do so, im at lost of words when he thinks im not doing anything to help him. Oh the promises of becoming sober and the regrets. I dont kniw what to say, ive heard it all before after nites of drinking when hes hanging but i know it wont last long. How can someone make you seem as if its ur fault? That ur not doing enough to help? His court day is coming up in 2 weeks and i know he will be out but idk if he'll stick to what he promises. I made a appt. To see a counselor about what i need to work on with myself and becoming more resilient to his problem. Im just very lost on what to feel or how to react.