It will be a while....there is pain everywhere when we have lost our children....I could not go to the store or even in public for quite some time in the beginning. I gave up wearing makeup for a year or more because WHY bother?? I could not read or even go close to the greeting cards in a store....when I went to buy Valentine candy for the family that first year, realizing that my son and his family would not be among the count....I could not get out of the store fast enough. It is a very sad time, friend...and it will be a process....we go it at our own pace....be patient with everything you do.....grief will not be rushed...as much as we wish for it to be. I pray you will have a better day tomorrow. TLC...Brandon\'s Bear Hug...dale, brandon\'s mom
I still have to close my eyes when I walk down certain aisles and I\'m two weeks from the one year anniversary. In the first two to three months, I would scream at the top of my lungs all the way home from the supermarket and would often have to just walk out of the store. Every morning I wake up knowing she\'s not here and think \"One day closer to death\". And I\'m working very hard at my grief and trusting God. So you are feeling normal things no matter how awful they are. Will it get \"easier\"? It\'s changing, it\'s different, not \"easier\". As Dale said, be patient, give it time. Let God work in your life. I\'ve gotten answers to my questions over the past year and you can, too. Love,
Jill, April\'s mom
The first year everything reminds us of our loss. I remember seeing soft pretzels in the store and how we, Jason and I, would share them on a break at work. I worked at his business. The first time I saw them in the store I cried a river. The first time I cooked his favorite meal for my other son\'s family I had a total breakdown. Every first is a stab in the heart. We want so much for it to be as it was when they were here with us. A day doesn\'t go by that I don\'t wish I could turn the clock back and change destiny, but I realize I probably could not change anything that happened. I wish I could help both of us with the pain. We are living this nightmare together, long distance through the computer. I\'m starting to have better days now after eleven months. It\'s still much fresher for you. I\'ve had to start on medication, I couldn\'t handle the anxiety any longer. I was very resistant to it at first but I believe now it is helping me and I need all the help I can get. We need to do whatever it takes to keep going. I pray your find some peace today. Sending love, Terry
I remember that so vividly. I remember wanting to buy these grandma peanut butter cookies and then putting them back or my sons favorite cereal. Even now I will see those items, hear a song, see a car or a many number of \"triggers\" and my heart will feel a tug. It\'s been almost five years and I can now more remember those things with fondness and have a warm moment. It just takes time. Time seems to move so slowly but after that first year or so, it seemed to get a bit easier....atleast for me. We are all different and grieve at our own pace. Please be patient and take the difficult days as they come and have hope and faith that better ones will come in time. Sending you prayers for peace and comfort. Much love. Robin
Y
Thank you all for your comments. I know it takes time. It just comes over one sometimes. gloomy days are the worst. I see her favorites in the store and then something new and I think ( Oh she would like that.) Then we still learn things about her, like a letter comes for a state congressman that she had written about anti-abortion and that was a real surprise to me.
Yes , I rely on my God or I would not survive. I read everything I can about suicide and the problems she had with depression and about heaven and angels. She loved butterflys so I collect them and angels too. Whatever helps/ Life deals some tough times. We have to be survivors usually for others. Hold tight the ones you love , because you never know when God will reclaim them.
I truly understand your pain...with three years walking the grief path, I have far fewer melt downs, but my heart is broken and always will be. Until we cross into the Great Mystery when it is our time, we are left here to manage this loss as best we can. Karina, you are so deeply missed and loved beyond words. Take care of yourself friend.
Hugs, Rebecca
The longing and those tender feelings will forever be present in your mother\'s heart. Allow the tears to flow as they become the river that will gently move you along. I understand so well what you are describing. Heartfelt hugs, Joanie
Those triggers hit so hard in the early months, sometimes literally knocking you to your knees. They will continue to tug at your heartstrings but the tugs will get much more gentle and easier to walk through.
One of my early shopping meltdowns came at a Nordstrom Rack where I was looking at shoes. Corrie had tiny feet ~ size 4 ~ and it was really hard to find shoes that weren\'t for little girls for her. On this particular day I happened to pass the size 4 clearance area and saw the most darling strappy heels that Corrie would have loved. I was so tempted to buy them even though it was obviously ridiculous. Instead, I fled the store sobbing and in pain.
I have found over time that each time I face one of these store triggers it gets easier to keep on with my shopping business.
So ~ you will be able to shop without pain, or at least with much less pain, but it will take time, lots of it.
We are here to hold your hand and encourage you on.
Sending love and hugs of comfort and peace ~ Debbie
Replies
It will be a while....there is pain everywhere when we have lost our children....I could not go to the store or even in public for quite some time in the beginning. I gave up wearing makeup for a year or more because WHY bother?? I could not read or even go close to the greeting cards in a store....when I went to buy Valentine candy for the family that first year, realizing that my son and his family would not be among the count....I could not get out of the store fast enough. It is a very sad time, friend...and it will be a process....we go it at our own pace....be patient with everything you do.....grief will not be rushed...as much as we wish for it to be. I pray you will have a better day tomorrow. TLC...Brandon\'s Bear Hug...dale, brandon\'s mom
I still have to close my eyes when I walk down certain aisles and I\'m two weeks from the one year anniversary. In the first two to three months, I would scream at the top of my lungs all the way home from the supermarket and would often have to just walk out of the store. Every morning I wake up knowing she\'s not here and think \"One day closer to death\". And I\'m working very hard at my grief and trusting God. So you are feeling normal things no matter how awful they are. Will it get \"easier\"? It\'s changing, it\'s different, not \"easier\". As Dale said, be patient, give it time. Let God work in your life. I\'ve gotten answers to my questions over the past year and you can, too. Love,
Jill, April\'s mom
The first year everything reminds us of our loss. I remember seeing soft pretzels in the store and how we, Jason and I, would share them on a break at work. I worked at his business. The first time I saw them in the store I cried a river. The first time I cooked his favorite meal for my other son\'s family I had a total breakdown. Every first is a stab in the heart. We want so much for it to be as it was when they were here with us. A day doesn\'t go by that I don\'t wish I could turn the clock back and change destiny, but I realize I probably could not change anything that happened. I wish I could help both of us with the pain. We are living this nightmare together, long distance through the computer. I\'m starting to have better days now after eleven months. It\'s still much fresher for you. I\'ve had to start on medication, I couldn\'t handle the anxiety any longer. I was very resistant to it at first but I believe now it is helping me and I need all the help I can get. We need to do whatever it takes to keep going. I pray your find some peace today. Sending love, Terry
I remember that so vividly. I remember wanting to buy these grandma peanut butter cookies and then putting them back or my sons favorite cereal. Even now I will see those items, hear a song, see a car or a many number of \"triggers\" and my heart will feel a tug. It\'s been almost five years and I can now more remember those things with fondness and have a warm moment. It just takes time. Time seems to move so slowly but after that first year or so, it seemed to get a bit easier....atleast for me. We are all different and grieve at our own pace. Please be patient and take the difficult days as they come and have hope and faith that better ones will come in time. Sending you prayers for peace and comfort. Much love. Robin
I have trouble too...just going in the grocery store is hard,,,I cry often in the store and if bothers anyone,,,I don\'t care anymore,I just cry..
Y
Thank you all for your comments. I know it takes time. It just comes over one sometimes. gloomy days are the worst. I see her favorites in the store and then something new and I think ( Oh she would like that.) Then we still learn things about her, like a letter comes for a state congressman that she had written about anti-abortion and that was a real surprise to me.
Yes , I rely on my God or I would not survive. I read everything I can about suicide and the problems she had with depression and about heaven and angels. She loved butterflys so I collect them and angels too. Whatever helps/ Life deals some tough times. We have to be survivors usually for others. Hold tight the ones you love , because you never know when God will reclaim them.
It does take time...I did that too...life is sooo hard...and we must just take it a moment at a time...gentle hugs...gentle hugs...
I truly understand your pain...with three years walking the grief path, I have far fewer melt downs, but my heart is broken and always will be. Until we cross into the Great Mystery when it is our time, we are left here to manage this loss as best we can. Karina, you are so deeply missed and loved beyond words. Take care of yourself friend.
Hugs, Rebecca
The longing and those tender feelings will forever be present in your mother\'s heart. Allow the tears to flow as they become the river that will gently move you along. I understand so well what you are describing. Heartfelt hugs, Joanie
Those triggers hit so hard in the early months, sometimes literally knocking you to your knees. They will continue to tug at your heartstrings but the tugs will get much more gentle and easier to walk through.
One of my early shopping meltdowns came at a Nordstrom Rack where I was looking at shoes. Corrie had tiny feet ~ size 4 ~ and it was really hard to find shoes that weren\'t for little girls for her. On this particular day I happened to pass the size 4 clearance area and saw the most darling strappy heels that Corrie would have loved. I was so tempted to buy them even though it was obviously ridiculous. Instead, I fled the store sobbing and in pain.
I have found over time that each time I face one of these store triggers it gets easier to keep on with my shopping business.
So ~ you will be able to shop without pain, or at least with much less pain, but it will take time, lots of it.
We are here to hold your hand and encourage you on.
Sending love and hugs of comfort and peace ~ Debbie