Shock
I had a surprising weekend. Im actually still in shock. RV friends mother came to visit. She is a sweet woman and I bonded with her immediately. This woman deserves respect and her children dont give it to her. I felt that commonality with her in regards to estranged children.
Saturday night we where all standing in the kitchen and I was about ready to leave. The mother kept persuading me to stay and RV guy asked me to show her a song on utube. As I was doing so, he dropped and one knee and proposed. He had aaked his mother to bring a family heirloom ring down and give to me. 20 diamonds with a huge emerald in the middle.
Instead of saying NO, I told him id have to think about it. He wants to get married in New Orleans in May.
He had friends come over and we thru a little Gumbo party together. Im an observer , he started drinking and didnt stop. I felt sadness behind his eyes. As it got closer to taking his mother back to the airport, he asked me to drive her-he was too drunk. I thought this was terribly sad. I was glad to drive her and spend time with her. Her other son just passed away weeks ago and I felt she didnt get the treatment she deserved. While everyone else was outside partying I felt i wanted to stay inside with her and keep her company.
I dont know what Im going to do. Part of me believes this was just a ploy to get his hands on the family heirloom and he used this as a means to do it. His friends know him and I could tell they were just as shocked as i was. Some already knew he was going to do it.
But...we have history and the unusual circumstances and occurances that have happened surrounding our meeting is both mysterious and magical. This is where I need to be careful...as the dysfunctional child in me yearns to have that perfect love and be loved could lead me down a very bad road although the road is as rough as you make it to be. Deep in thought of possibilities as usual.
Welcome to another Monday all. Hope your week is as magical as I am feeling today.
Replies
I feel kinda guilty for not being surprised, Sage. I've indulged in a not-mine-to-sort wonder or three which of your "friends" would Pop The Question. Please forgive me if I sound a bit jaded. Just wondering. . .
If RV Friend was able to bring his mother over to meet you, their relations are far healthier than what I have with my one living son. It's been at least 8 years since he has included me on anything.
Continued support while you figure what to do with the latest proposal.
Arfie, why do you feel jaded? Roomie got me to return into the relationship after TEXTING me "The question". But, not once over the year has it ever been discussed-it was a ploy used to reel me back in. NJ guy-has talked about wanting a life together but I feel he is in no hurry to ask "The Question". RV guy said to me that he's traditional and felt the only way he could spend the rest of his life with me was if I was his wife, I liked this as I am a traditional girl when it comes to marriage. My two failed marriages were everything but traditional. I have not a porcelain pot nor a window to throw it out in. Does the car window count? This makes me think he's sincere.
So, this latest shock appeals to me. Is hearing all the right things a Red Flag? Do I want too badly to believe?
My employer will be surprised. She only knows that I'm moving out from Roomie but nothing else. I feel she will judge me. This is why I do not tell her everything. I haven't told anyone. With the exception of this site, my life remains a mystery to those whom I work with and talk to, Even my closet friend doesn't know everything nor does my brother or estranged daughter. Someone asked me if I had told my daughter yet. I said no and that I doubt she would care. Besides until any of these people closet to me starts paying my bills or simply calling me, I don't find it to be any of their business.
I very rarely find people I can trust initially but RV guys mother was the exception. I liked her immediately. I just was not expecting RV guy to ever ask me-the thought had never crossed my mind nor a future realistically with him-this is why I am cautiously holding on to this information until I know for sure.
wow! Based on his drinking habits....you might want to give it some time, and lots of it. Don't build another trap for yourself., Sage.
Nice to have met a new friend in his mom but I am sure she would understand if you said no.
You deserve someone who is more responsible.
God Bless
Bob,
I don't drink anymore-haven't had a drink in several weeks after the last episode made me so sick I couldn't stand up. I vowed that day I would never drink again. Just the thought of it makes me physically ill. I am hoping as time goes on, he will see it as a negative thing rather than a "Party" and make his mind up to stop doing it-Trust me...I'm done being a savior. Still need clarity before saying yes. Might take some time.
It might help if you make your engagement conditional on him staying sober for a length of time to be determined by you. If he loves you enough to stay sober then that would be a step in the right direction but if he can't do it then that will tell you his bottle is more important to him then you are. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. You are a good person and It would be difficult seeing you get hurt again.
Hugs
Bob,
Id like to try and understand why he drinks. I know why I did it. His mother told me that he drinks less when he's happy and that she would be glad I would be around. But.....I don't want to continue caretaking. I'm not a good candidate for a sobriety coach. I only know that I wont drink ever again after getting so sick. If indeed I take the plunge-I will continue to stash money. I think it might be wise to live together first and see what I'm really getting myself into.
Yesterday Roomie preceded to tell me that I needed to learn patience. I smiled and held my tongue-I've been nothing but patient now for over a year and a half. I almost told him-he needed to stop writing checks with his mouth. (He asked me to marry him a year ago to get back with him and we haven't discussed it all year-not once. I'd say----Ive been more than patient.