sharper.........

so i cut today....after 30 minutes i looked at arm and realized i wasn't getting the release that i wanted.....i still wanna self injure!!!!!!!!!!!!! i went to the library and got some movies and got some lunch.....my dad told me to take a walk but i have zero energy....i'm gonna be with some friends after work.....i texted one of my friends who is also my coworker and told her what was going on and she said,"val please, just don't. it's not gonna help you in the long run its a short term soluntion..." well that's all fine and good but I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know she's trying to help, but telling me to just stop won't work.....i'm really scaring myself here.....i've never felt this way before!!!! it's scary!!!!!!