Shame and Healing

I don't quite know where to start this journal. A few weeks ago, I was given the gift of Spirit telling me to never make my kids feels guilty again. I was grateful for this, because I saw ways I would still do it in "sneaky" way.
Yesterday, I wanted to make my son feel guilty because he doesn't work as hard on his days off as "I" think he should. Plus, I think he smokes pot on his days off; of course, I have always wanted to control that also. That's when the "sneaky" guilt would come in,,,Me: "Oh, you didn't to xyz today, or did you get that xyz done."
Somehow this morning in my meditation/quiet time as I surrendered this and was telling Spirit how hard it was for me to stop doing this, but I was and am willing to stop doing it.
 Something them came to me about shame. There is so much shame I still keep within and it needs to come out. It's really not about my son, as much as I am projecting. There are many issues he is dealing with and I think I am so connected to his pain/shame because I have it in me.
All these things that have caused me shame came to me:
I feel shame for:
Living a life of lies...at times I still tell little white lies; especially to myself
Wanting to control
Having a chronic disease
Having to go on disability because of this chronic disease
Having lumps, bumps, and crooked fingers because of this chronic disease
For being an out of control Mom (still forgiving myself for that)
For being so promiscuous starting at a young age
Having one night stand and having an abortion at 18
Shaming my kids
Judging my son for smoking pot and I drank my feelings away a million times
I could go on and on and on, but I saw where I need to continually keep the focus on myself and not others except for using them as a tool to heal.
My reading this morning:
Listen well: Your work..if you wish to call it that...is not to seek and find love. It is merely to turn within to discover ever obstacle that you have created to it's presence and to offer that obstacle to the great dissolver of dreams, the grace of the Holy Spirit.
I see what happened this a.m. as a great purification for myself; many tears and much releasing. It's always amazing to me how deep seated things can be. I believe everything gains power in the silence; therefore I am grateful as getting these shame based things out and on paper has led to a very healing morning.
I feel much more compassion for myself and a lot of compassion for my son.
And the beat goes on and on and on and on!
Happy Thursday!