Shakey Ground
This morning as I am having coffee I am on shakey ground i feel. Why is the predictability of settling more stable?
Roomie still is in denial about our situation. Two nights ago he asked me to sit next to him on the couch. I said that I would only as a friend however i had to get up and move as it was uncomfortable for me. In my head and heart I have already moved past that. I dont think hes ready to accept it so in a last ditch effort he is trying to persuade me. Its a little too late. I keep emphasizing Ill be his friend for life but thats all.
Drs appt tommorow and I will be glad to get all this behind me and start working toward the future. It has been slow at work. May will be here soon enough and I have to work harder to save money. I loaned a friend some money to pay their rent so I will have to work now to make up for that. Its only money...its made to be spent. I am wishing more and more that I could just sleep in my car and go back to that routine....atleast it was predictable and I was saving alot of money. I am looking for a room to rent i think. It would be cheaper and I could save more money. Roomie will have to catsit Sammy for awhile. But i know hed be in good hands. Work continues to be a circus and I am choosing to peak inside the tent instead of being in the ring....not my circus, not my monkeys. I need to detach myself.
Im still as confused as ever.
Replies
Navigating my own confusions is allot easier when I accept confusion as a recurrent fact of life. Seasons change, lives rearrange in life's ever changing, never changing rhythms and flows.
Or am I lost in metaphor again? ? ?
Even when job duties require you enter that tent instead of *just* peeking in, It still is not your circus, nor your monkey. Detachment is a tool worth mastering. Gentle support while you master. Practice, practice, practice. . . Nagging is a dirty job but somebody's gotta do ^it^. Feel free to tell me I am fired. You the boss.
sounds like home and work are both stressful. I've lived alone for a long time. can't deal with people 24/7
Arfie, awhile back you quoted something that said "Make friends with change, its the only thing you can count on". I have that on a sticky at work. I never think your nagging and take your advice deep to heart. I can use all the help I can get.
Anna,
Living alone might be best for me if I could get over this fear of failure and now that my job is going sideways it only makes that fear stronger.