Sex, God, & The Widow/Widower

 
Lately I have found myself pondering one of those subjects that seem to stir up a bunch of controversy, embarrassment, and anxiety. This time, that subject is SEX. Having recently re-committed to Christ and the teachings of the Bible, I am aware of God's stance on marital fidelity and His position on the sin which is adultery. I am also aware that He has given human beings the gift of sexual pleasures to be shared between married couples. Human beings are sexual beings, of that I have no doubt either. Most married couples enjoy a certain frequency in partaking of these intimate pleasures throughout their married lives. It becomes very much a part of who they are. 
All of this leads me to this perplexing quandary. What is a widow or a widower expected to do with the quite normal urges and desires that visit them from time to time, if not regularly? The Bible tells us that lustful thoughts are wrong, and that promiscuity and/or sex outside of marriage is wrong as well. There is, of course, the means with which we may satisfy those urges by ourselves, which present yet another perplexing issue. If one were to choose this means of sexual release, is it wrong to use the widely available “tools”, “toys”, and visual stimulants promoted to further this end? 
We live in a world in which we are constantly bombarded with sexual images, messages, and opportunities that tempt the most Godly people amongst us. So what are we to do? If we act upon our natural urges, are we guilty of sin? Or are we being hypocritical in our devotion to the Lord only when it is convenient for us to be so? 
It seems to me that if we are expected to deny ourselves these natural urges and desires, we are further punishing ourselves at a time when we are already being punished enough. If we believe in the strict interpretation of the scriptures, it seems as though many of us would seek to enter too quickly into a new marriage for sexual reasons, rather than for sharing the same kind of all encompassing love we had for our deceased spouses. 
Again, I am posting this in my journal, in order that I not offend anyone who may object to discussing this subject. But I do believe that I am not the only widower or widow who is struggling with this part of living. It is not my intention to solicit details of anyone's personal life, however, I welcome the opinions that others may have regarding all of this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZM3OJ1X178
There'll be no strings to bind your handsnot if my love can't bind your heart.And there's no need to take a standfor it was I who chose to start.I see no need to take me home,I'm old enough to face the dawn.Just call me angel of the morning, ANGELjust touch my cheek before you leave me, baby.Just call me angel of the morning, ANGELthen slowly turn away from me.Maybe the sun's light will be dimand it won't matter anyhow.If morning's echo says we've sinned,well, it was what I wanted now.And if we're the victims of the night,I won't be blinded by light.Just call me angel of the morning, ANGELjust touch my cheek before you leave me, baby.Just call me angel of the morning, ANGELthen slowly turn away,I won't beg you to stay with methrough the tears of the day,of the years, baby baby baby.Just call me angel of the morning, ANGELjust touch my cheek before you leave me, baby.