Sex, drugs and rehab
Lots of landmarks over the past few months.My partner is now over three years sober! I'm very proud of him and he continues to improve his personal life every day! He's reading inspirational books and doing very well at work (even though he feels overwhelmed at times.) Our love life could really be better... I accept total blame for that issue.I no longer believe in god(s) which has been a real relief for me. I never took the bible literally, or believed the bible god intervened in everyones personal lives, so it wasn't a huge leap for me. My partner believes in god, but that doesn't really effect the way I look at him or others (as long as they're not trying to beat people up with passages.) I just can't believe in the supernatural anymore.However I still LOVE movies and stories about horror, sci-fi, ghosts, monsters, and the unknown creepy stuff I liked before.After getting suspended from school from a random drug search, and after I caught him smoking in the garage the next morning, my ex and I decided it's time for a drug treatment program for my seventeen year old son. I called off work and taking him over for evaluation today. It was tough call, but after he bashed two door in at our rented house, it's time I think. Lots or tears and "I'm sorry!" and "Why are you doing this to me?" and "I won't do it again!", but I can't let this continue. His grades are poor (even though he's incredibly intelligent), has a girlfriend (admitted unprotected sex at one point), and no desire to drive or get a job... it doesn't look good. Even though I've always thought alcohol was far more destructive than marijuana, it's obvious he has a real problem that's got to be addressed. I love him so much... I gained another 8 lbs pushing my weight to 184 when I should be 165-170, but it makes me feel bad about myself and uncomfortable in my clothes. The gay side of me doesn't want other gay men to see me like this... weird. Is that normal?I have to do my colonoscopy all over again... I was hoping the one would be my first and last.I've had lots of car trouble with do-nothing Liberty Mutual and a local do-nothing body shop.My biggest concern right now is my son. His mom isn't the most stable person I know and I could really use some help with someone whose already been there. May today's meeting will help.I wish everyone a better year that the last!
Replies
Hey there Chuck! Haven\'t heard from you in a while. Glad to see that your hubby is doing well. Belief in God or the spiritual is something a person has to decide about and deal with for themselves. I don\'t even try to call myself a Christian anymore. There are just too many things there that I don\'t and can\'t agree with anymore. Actually I never did agree with most of it but at least in the past people would let ya ignore the annoying bits. Now since that seems to be the part that everybody keeps arguing over.... Well, I just don\'t say that I am or feel like a \"Christian\". That doesn\'t mean I don\'t believe in a higher power. I just think everyone else has it all wrong. Haha!
Man! I wish I was 184lbs again. ....and that\'s all I\'ll say about that.
Sorry to hear about your son. Honestly though, he unfortunately sounds like the majority of kids today. I don\'t think that pot is as bad as alcohol either but the thing is a person can take anything too far. Too much of anything usually ends up being a bad thing. I\'m sure it doesn\'t help at all that he\'s at about the age where he is convinced that he has life all figured out and there isn\'t anything you can tell him from this point on. That he can\'t figure out for himself. The fact is that he may be pretty mature and intelligent for his age. The thing that he lacks is the experience that just a few more years will give him to show him that he really doesnt\' know all about everything yet. Unfortunately those are also the few years in which he is capable of doing the most harm to himself and his future than at any time in his life up to now. In this day and age where everything gets upgraded every other year and everything else is disposeable. I think kids really get the idea that they can screw everything up and then just wait for the next do over and do it right next time. Guess that\'s part of that experience I mentioned. Life just isn\'t like that. Not yet anyway. There isn\'t a reset button on life. The stuff you mess up you have to work hard to fix. Sure sometimes people get second chances. But those aren\'t guaranteed and not everyone gets one either. In so much of life you only get one shot. I don\'t have any kids and I realize that it\'s easy for me to say a lot of stuff. But I think I worry more about and pay more attention to some of the young people in my life than their parents seem to. I see so many kids pushed out the door these days because their parents just don\'t have the personal faculties themselves to deal with them. Usually it turns out thet they were done the same way as kids and pretty much have just passed the tradition along to their kids. So basically you have the kids whose parents are trying to look out for them and trying desperately to instill some parameters in their lives. Which they of course see as you trying to control them. Then you have the kids who go wherever, whenever they want. With no oversight from an authority figure whatsoever. And to a kid, they seem to have it made. At least for a while. But kids don\'t have the ability to look down the road and see where those kids are headed unless somehow, somebody steps into these kids lives and helps to get them to see what they are doing to themselves and helps them figure out a way back on a positive path before they get too far gone. And you can get too far gone. The morgues and cemeteries are full of people just like that.
But you do have the most important thing going for you. You love your son. It\'s not the only thing by far but it is the most important I think. Too many kids don\'t have that. A shocking number of kids don\'t have that. And your son knows you love him. Otherwise he wouldn\'t bother trying to play on your sympathies to get out of trouble. So as I see it you have a kid who is loved and knows he\'s loved and that is a huge and necessary tool to use in getting his head out of his ass.
I firmly believe that there are some hurts in life that a kid just has to experience to ber able to properly deal with it in the future. But those are things like falling off a bike, getting your heart broken or having someone you really love die. Being a dickhead and showing no regard for the people who love you or yourself for that matter. Don\'t fit into the \"you have to live through it to grow up\" category. Those are woodshed issues. Ha!
Do they still have woodsheds in California? Probably not. You guys aren\'t even allowed to spank your kids out there. You should pove to Arkansas. They frown on corporal punishment here now too. Unless the kid really deserves it. Then they are more willing to look the other way while Little Johnny get his butt warmed up now and then. (No, neither party is supposed to enjoy it. If somebody is enjoying it then you aren\'t doing it right.)
My thoughts are with you my freind. I really wish there was more I could do to help.
Luv & Hugs - Eddie
Thanks so much Eddie!
Since I\'ve done a great deal of dope smoking, drugs and alcohol in the past myself, I can\'t seem to really work up a lot of anger towards my son. But the physical damage to the house and lying are a real problem.
He\'s agreed to go back to therapy and go through the drug program at school so we\'ll see how it goes.