sex abuse and violence

 
 the verbal report was a couple abusing another members child while in their care, the mother was distraught as she put it  "how ? a brother and sister doing it" the child was reported as female apparently not more than 7. it wasnt reported where i was.  thats child abuse in a religion.
ill tell you more on that at the end. ok this time the mental health team turned up.
paid for justice being unavailable the state handle it, theyre good at denials
its also a price i dont see you or i pay for others sex fun and games, i mean we had all this over sex violence and paedos one day they just smashed into my life, and it was over sex. i spent my life and childhood cringing trying to get away from them going noooooo and shying away. all i noticed was that they wouldnt get out, they would not get out of my feelings needs or life, and actuallly they were dirty bastards who helped them.  i wasnt aware beong asaulted was reason to do it again after, cross examining me. actuallly my friends were more help here, we all know hugs, cuddle luvs etc,  all i knew was to let them crash out, snuggle in the warm under the quilts and blankets, and just be there  at times, we were used to just picking the other child up normally an carrying them around with us knowing they were hurt in our heads just like a pack of humans and just helping the injured etc  at least i was used to it. or when we woke up in hospital together i also had a funny weak feeling.  instead i found a state abatoir. which did show that they are as heartless as we think they are. its going thru my head hey shall we make a private one an we'll all do it? nobodies perfect but i think we can comfortably exceed their performance levels. it became the problem when the abusers went to them for  "back up".
actuallly the police said to me "so they wanted sex with you then" i said "yea thats all i knew" it was and i was underage at first so i went paedophiles that was all. it wasnt crying wolf or being sensational for news they had done that and it hurt. it was that simple  and my  responses arguing they said "nothing happened" im sorry it had. these people kept arguing with me an all i knew was that, they wanted sex. it all ended up very violent.the convolusions were unnnecesary and obscene, i refused i didnt consent so callled it rape. as far as i knew i met a rapist, what else am i supposed to say or call it ? the officer was simple on the point he just callled it "wanting sex" i just agreed in the middle of an argument an went "yea thats all i said too" as far as i knew i had rape effects from an atttack, and was just freaked out at times. is was diagnosed by jane the psychologist at the nhs as having post traumatic stress disorder, like the near death expeiences she quoted as on shipping disasters she knew of. and this guys going nothing happened. i mean if i was lying who are the people below ill tell you of, and what was the rest of it. so how was i having delusions ?  do you want the address an crimes database location to ? and wasnt that peotecting him because he was a boy or protecting others instead. its something you have to watch for its callled concealment. ok i got out of being penetrated but ... what else can i say ?
as one member said here about victimization, thats involved to, they start victimizing you. its one thing i notice they victimize their prey, inc members of the public etc. its like they cant handle it or just get annoyed we reported things almost as if it spoilt the afternoon for them. it also goes we dont get to say anything, they just try to get rid of it for others. but the victimization does exist, it may start by picking on you continually that starts getting physically abusive at first. i noticed physical control of people they dont like so they cover it up to make it worse for them, you also get people handling what is not theres to handle its like they say we;ll just say this and then its gone.
its also weird the way the legal  stuff turns up, with court orders tribunals, warrants, and how the courts are involved anyway over sex stuff. one complained of it costing them over 3000 dollars in costs so far when one layer basicallly gave it to me. one resson they didnt want to continue it cost them about 3015 dollars in costs in one appeal. they were apprently pissed over that. they claimed it wasnt  in the overall interests of justice to continue. so one tribunal agreed with me. so the court costs have apppeare to over sex things, theres 3015 dollars missing in their budget over it too in public systems. its all easy i wasnt lying thats why it showed up. an the court orders were or are 1200 english pounds a time, . they were are sitting waiting now, as one of the guys moved again.  he moved as we were oing them. you  have to pay privately on family orers in the uk if its not a partner. you cant get court orders on legal aid but theyll  be put thru the next day if you pay. theyre just to keep them physicallly off you.
its one thing getting threats an verbal abuse but then they carried it out forcibly thats when the trouble started, i mean you can walk away from threats but what if they follow you(and they did), thats how it got nasty they went  to  physical mode.
i mean go into a police station
and say ive been attacked again by somebody else - but its true she was. the guy told me "his human side came thru" to him that was his human side, i said he was a - am i allowed to say rapist ? i lived with them. heres a bit of background.
that was the fourth time he did that. he moved from the other area he did it in, and im  the liar ????
he actually started contacting his friends about me over sex and marriage and demanded again( he was thrown out twice by his religion for sex offences internally)
to get sex cotrol of me. he also used to hang about outside and look up my windows like a rabid dog with his head shaking like he was foaming at the mouth and wouldnt get away from my house his friend even moved next door so he went in with him all the time to get close as i said he moved to our area when it got a bit "hot" for him where he was living due to them  knowing. when i refused to comply with the sex demands on my behaviour the violence started again. so they demanded to watch to see and enforce things. so basically you get battered if you dont comply. you also recieve threats. he was getting turned on by it all as he used to do it like a violent sex frenzy mode where you batter them. so they do go to others.  i said to one "look you almost killed me before get away from me" i was told "theres nothing wrong with it" the pain got horrific i was only little by comparison physically and couldnt fight them off. thats why i freaked when people try to restrain me, i was told "we have the authority to restrain people so dont cause any trouble" in a veiled threat once by one of them knowing i wouldnt comply. so  i just sort of knock them off me, i also didnt want any more physical injuries. that was also simple do what youre told say nothing or else, thats basicallly what it came down to. then you get an atttack an they say "nothing happened"  then when its proved it did then it dosent matter instead. an its all done in that sick evil perversion with that horrible dirty paedo feeling  with no sexual barriers regardless of age its literally like a dirty old man raping you, that honestly what it feels like, all day long day in day out. they do get thrills out of violence like talking to a phone girl when one said the client wanted to hit her with a baseball bat, thats  is essentiallly the same sex thrill and violence all together its like when you hear of a rapist who kills you, literallly use for sex then kill them. thats why. essentiallly the procedure was classic do it an you find a dead body somewhere an no one ever knows one way or another the same stereotype an sequence of events regarless of the mix then they go "nothing happened" or "theres no other records"  unfortunately there are some of their statements are on the medical records an where it was, so i can show the 2 police officers did lie its on those it was who i told them when they accused me, to them a normal thing to do. theyre like a robot when they do it they stand there do it to  you an then say "i didnt do anything" like he did before when the girl started complaining to others in the church, they just did it like robots in front  of me on automatic with no understanding i mean literallly without anything inside them.
if you see what i mean there would just be a dead body in hendon, an nobody would ever know,  thats what i meant the police pullled me out of it, so  i dont know what others argue with me for. i just woke up in hospital with friends i learnt were abused children. i found dying is easy youre just not there anymore all of a sudden youre family get a phone call, what i went thru after it wasnt an improvement it may as well have been just dead. you pass out its like anasthetic an youre gone you wake up sometimes again, but everything you know  and love is gone and youre life was 36 hours before an 40 miles away.  it was like that, just a bang an the end of everything i knew an loved. an then this guy went nothing happened thats not even evil of him its not even low. thats what they behave like seemingly especiallly to sex cases (and it was), all i did was fight off a rape, that was the intention they did it to others too that was on the cards, they were grooming an got violent in the end, but thats what they were doing, just paedophile rape in a religion or on others after at older ages, thats all  i know all i saw. all i knew was when they started that if i didnt i was the next one, as far as im aware why they get violent after its like a disturbed rapist who freaks out as you resist, but they do it after too so they make return atttacks possibly from a group. so i dont see why a  planned rape (groomed), isnt termed a rape attack from a rapist. the kisses manhandling bellytickles all started, i was going "look mate im not an object for youre gratification". i also noticed the way they continuallly tried to get between me an my parents when i was small to get control regardless of what mum or dad said, she sort  of liked them, did she notice ? all i knew was i got hit when i complained. i had such force applied i was still bleeding in genital pain and my sex behaviour was violated forcibly. so i have to say there were forced demands of sexual involvement with me, i cant say anything else. i thought that was callled a sadist like when a master bashes you to death for sex thrills. the effect is like living in a gang when the sledge hammers or paving slabs come out, there were other things too. it gives the impression of a rape gang. all i saw was put them all together one day and its a gang rape. it was like a primitive version  of that, like before they all got together and were seperate. but the more primitive the more violent like they didnt have the release of the rape yet and the pressure was higher in their brain. even if my family  dont believe me, what the hell do they think the phone call from the police was that day, then one day others turned up on tv, how many times did i tell them of the paedophiles the behaviour and the violence ? i mean the guy who told me not to cause any trouble had already been to my house an got  nasty an brought this guy on anger management courses for child battery in with him. he was the guy who always wanted me down the sauna with him the other ones friend again. battery feels  like you want  to get a baby pillow and just put youre head down on  it under a soft blanket till you feel better and you sort of gasp like shock at least i did. i can imagine a child saying i want  my mummy but theres none to run to, i couldnt either.  youll notice i didnt mind telling you can you tell them anything ?
when did this start the first anomalies occured when i was small when my mum use to sing
abot marrying me, i went you cant marry youre mum, it got real creepyyy i could never work that out.
i come from a religious background in my family i wasnt, i went "f***ing child abusers" this time as others turned up theyd started on me again i also said "all i can see is a load of paedos running about" so i got attacked
in retribution so there was an argument when other kids turned up one i had reported. so they blamed me again. it was concealed to protect another minster couple and the original reciever of the report about them. a friend of the religious leader i told. he did it to protect her primarily as she apparently didnt tell at least where i was. perhaps you can also  see that those areas are violent people without feeling or conscience. hell is only hot, this was just plain sick evil. one way to think of it is like a dog owner who gets in court over abusing the dog or other animal if you think it was like that over "sex things" to  me at least since i was 10, i was like "hey man i only wanted to get laid and get married". i dont know how i got there or what happened, all i remember was starting to come round an thrashing about screaming with this pain in my head an the police and ambulance being callled.
one member said she felt like a sex object. yes that is what its like just being used for sex thrills regardless of what it does and then getting  violent. all i knew was somebody getting turned on over the pain an suffering like if they take lurid delight in it. one problem was explaining obviously sex responses are private all  of a suden you see others and what theyre like intimately when they get horny, an its inflicted on you, its like explaining what a guy does as he climaxes to somebody very intimate an also in public an you shy away from doing it then if you tell they get angry an start getting physical again. its like they go "theres nothing wrong with me" an then go its all you. so you try to explain what happpens an what theyre like but youre doing it in intimate terrotory. you try to explain to a police offficer on the beat that the guy is a sex monster or whoever, who is perhaps handing out tickets for bald worn tyres, an you go how the hell am i explaining my bed in public to a ticket cop ? so you just say it was sorta sexual violence stuff perverted an all that without the details.  they also try to change the conversation to things wrong with you when you were trying to explain the injuries or problem so they end up arguing other things while youre in pain, by the time youre finished you end up screaming at them. youre in tears and theyre arguing about what you did last night, which was over the abuse. i could never work out what they were doing in my sex life either,  i mean usuallly you dont talk about it then someone invades, one thing they did was start arguing other mattters like if they tried to get something on me to blame me again to change the subject. its like trying to hold a court on the victim. then you get a rape enquiry with a solicitor then youre held in full  consent of any sex acts, then you go hey you think i  sleep with thatttt ? then the degradation gets worse you sit ther having to eplain why you werent in full consent, then you get projected image, the image you projected at the time and if you were i suppose giving signs of consent, then they walk in an people who you dont have anything to do with want to say things, you know people you dont even know or have no understanding of youre life an even less of youre rights.  so you end up with people who dont even know you or what happened. its like walking in to someones family an arguing what is going to happpen and youre not anything to do with them, again like  they have power rights over you and theyre nobodies. its like when they decode what will happpen to you regardles of what you say and obviously the abuse is deleted. so they were doing that while i was at the solicitor and with the police in places, like i said it was with the cops, the option to report wasnt there it was done anyway i only told them what happened when i came to. then one goes theres no other records- why i just went and got them an told them i was finger printed even they knew what happened, like i said " j j " well call him that was there before trying to get them off me and that included my mum, so "j j " was at the house, when i was sobbing on the floor, he said "look i was in no condition to start that" and to stop, hes a minister of theirs.  so perhaps you see what i meant arguing nothing happened wasnt on it escalated till i was unconscious an missing. id had my head banged a few times as well. so it was them they were there they did know. it was them that blamed me after to the police and its recorded as being them, with their names on it, they did it and just blamed me. thats why they came back an atttacked me they knew what they did to me and came back when other kids apppeared over the paedophiles and sex stuff. it was like trying to make out i was somebody else,  i had that conversation with "j j" before when  i complained so i went an complained again when another one turned up. i came from paedo territory rapes etc i was actuallly with others with other legal cases on their ministers it was that guy who atttacked before who was there it was him that attacked her again, we,ll call her " l ". you dont think those people in that area are nice do you i was from there an there were other violent crimes. so how the hell was i having delusions do you want there names try "j j" , "k s" , "g s" , "c h " , "l m " her maiden name, " j m " , "s n" , "w f" to start with. "k s" ," g s" ,"j j" are their ministers.  i ha told " j j" of the "sex things" he said in the end "some people may well have to answer for what they did" after that i was missing.  all i new or know was what was so bad you needed to do that for to me, what are you scared of ? of nothing happened what did you put that effort into it for ? i still have the documents with no names on to avoid legal liability that was " j j" , "g s" , "k s" when they check at their internal disciplinaries. in that sense isnt that rape, it feels like it an the sequence is the same like pattterned abuse, an if you do it with them arent you the same ? i didnt see why anyone has to watch my sex responses or what i do, it wasnt a peep show or a sex show, so i just objected to  being used for sex thrills, when i refused the violence started again. in that proximity they get turned on or why would they need to watch, if  i was doing anything id be arrrested for indecent exposure or whatever so why did anyone need to follow me to watch, and why get violent if i refused, its only because they coudnt get more thrills an tried to coerce or they wouldnt be agitated at getting no sex "fix" the attacks i recieved started verballly they just started arguing an started to yell, its like it built up in their head an then they attack you,like if they get so frustrated with their sex problems they get violent. its not easy to explain what people say or do to you by themselves. i mean it was in my personal behaviour you dont normallly do that in public, its like being stripped, so you just say some rude words an tell them where to go at first. ive trie the best i can but try explaining that to a doctor even or what friends feelings were, when they speak of their relationship problems what hurt them how it affected their marriages and all that not to mention the sex dysfunctions. actuallly std,s occured an possible pregnancies they were so bad they sort of bred it, then they were scared to go to a doctor because of what would be said about them, and some under age sex was occuring.
it got worse when this guys daughter asked me to take her to hospital and he decided she must be punished, quite honestly so i had a 15 year old doing that to me too with one of them there jumping up an down, i said yes ok, he overode it in parental authority, thats a side issue but it did happen. that was the guy whos "human side came thru"
id point out i wasnt just having a go at a religion. when i was at that party the prospective partner was there rubbing my legs up an down, they were getting off was i complaining ? did i say rapist paedo to them, but as i mentioned that they turned on me an sided with the others, and just protected the religion and others. did i do that ? dont forget there were other children too of their "flock" dont you have to protect them ?
ok this time i got i was sexuallly abused at the doctor, and treatment was supplied to see if it would reduce the flashbacks i got. actually i only got them arguing with these people that nothing happened i had to keep explaining and reliving things, i had said that to them before, that at that level that sort off behaviour with those symptoms and effects was sexual abuse. it just hurts to go there thats all, as i said i didnt want to talk to them about it again, ill do that when an if im ever ready not  to demand, thats why i gave them the outbursts it hurts, that was all. it was almost lethal, i had almost die did have injuries, did need treatment for sexual problems inc genital pain etc an still have physical problems, i could tell you the way you cant orgasm properly after were in those territories, the head and facial  pain i was screaming in, but its a bit yukky so ill stop there. i was watched naked in anger at times an sometimes while doing other things where they just went i dont care an just did it to me, like if trying to degrade me, as if it was to convey you dont mattter you dont get any decency etc.
its scarey when you think youre expected to ask others what things are, to me its a rape starting. if i saw them follow you id go rape in progress on the phone to get help, that somebody had started to follow you to rape you, i mean the guy had atttacked before if hes that determined to go into another situation hes not exactly  to be trusted i get the impression false security is involved, i.e. dont worry i wont do anything to get youre defences down thats the effect of a group you have to deal with people you would be better off without, you normallly get to keep away from them. an they try to convince me its not a rapist, it is as far as i know. they even move from  other places when theyre caught in the last one, they move over the embarassment and pressure of everyone knowing what they did. so they go somewhere else and start again after 5 minutes so i mean how come that didnt happen then when they say  "i didnt do anything", why did they move as well then the guy was telling me that, he didnt do anything, then he started with me, then he did it on a date the he said his "human side came thru". ok i mean now we know his human side came thru before and when he started with me an after that. thats his personal words to me, the girl was at the religions complaint procedure again. thats honestly what he said to me over the incident "you say this and that but youre human side comes thru"
the this and that was how he behaved before god in his chaste state etc so he went "you say this and that" meaning his chastity and sexual cleanliness, and then went "but  youre human side comes thru" i never got to tell the other girl that. she went to the religion to complain, he was telling me that. i did say he had funny urges. so  on one  occasion there was him the lady who concealed the couple who were reported to me as child abusers, and one of their leaders, in one group with that report.
actually i should have been allowed to find her, her mother was probably dead and if the others didnt report her she will be walking about like me. i should have been allowed  to check all phone logs the leaders are ministers lie a priest for the purpose of reporting it, so they should have informed their legal dept so the callls should be logged if they reported things. all peoples reports who dealt with it an to check who the couple were who were reported as doing it, where who when etc. as everybody else seemed dead so somebody had to, without the infringements of social workers and some of their cop friends. i mean ok theres nothing christian there to  me but its still a group of  people callled a religion. i mean if they coulnt or wouldnt i could have checked that easily. instead i was thrown out like excommunication. so no reporting was in place at all they were told but had no implementation so there were no alarms basically so anyone could get away with it. the verbal report was a couple abusing another members child while in their care, the mother was distraught as she put it"how ? a brother and sister doing it" the child was reported as female apparently not more than 7 , i spoke to " j j" about it it was considered suspicious, i complained about myself an they slappped me in the face with that as well. so i had to go in to see them about all off it. thats what the arguments on the forms were about, obviously without proof she could be anywhere sufffering in anything, so i went ballistic its still feels the same as trying to find youre brother or sister even if its not knowing that theres possibly something seroiusly wrong an they could be very ill an injured. you also dont  know what youll find, possibly that theres more.  in  my book that isnt accceptable if theres reports you dot the "i",s and cross the "t",s ndd i dont stop until i have all the numbers resolved in a problem, you cant be slap dash its not alright an neither is sitting there lookinng at it its a 5 min job at times so what excuse was there ? the religious leader " k s" went to 2 police friends who went to a social worker "t w", thats how that was being done, with state and religion both concealing.
so theyre not suppose to have done anything so why all the effort, and why me. why come here, what was that all about then ?  thats child abuse in a religion