Setting Goals Here

The capacity to set goals and journal are  very good features of the DS site. In the short time I have been on the site setting goals and writing journal entries has made a difference to my feeling of well being. I like the anonymity of it all too. It is good that I can focus primarily on myself for once and actively address issues that have come to a head recently. The prospect of being able to say quite openly that I am hurting appeals to me.  So far I have had to keep myself together for the sake of others. I did see a very good loss and grief counsellor and cried buckets of tears with my shiatzu therapist. That all helped but since I moved I have not found alternatives to the outlet they provided. Rightly or wrongly I do not want to burden my children with my grief and frankly,my siblings have not been particularly able to support me. Some friends have been fabulous but they have their issues to deal with too and I do want to move on, stop having all of this define who I am.  Today I went someway to meeting my first goal. I have successfully filled some units of time. I had come away to have a beach holiday and had to face the reality that whether I am at the beach or at home my husband is not with me.  My daughter was with me for a few days but went back to town a few days ago. She is coming back today. Having a few days on my own highlighed my aloneness and led to me taking action and finding DS. A new environment has not particularly been an answer to anything. I still carry my aloneness wherever I go. And, being semi retired, working from home means that I do have a bit much time on my hands, too much time to think. Anyway, after staying up late watching back to back episodes of the first series of The Tudors, I slept in. When I got up I took the dogs for a walk, had some breakfast out, finally got a semi presentable passport photo and celebrated the more successful photograph by buying a couple of pieces of clothing for myself. In short I have filled in some units of time.  I had to get the photo because my passport  lapsed some time ago and my daughter is pushing me to travel. In 2001 my husband and I went on the big grand tour. He had been diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2000 and on the spur of the moment we set out on a six month tour of Great Britain and Western Europe. It was fabulous but I have not had a desire to travel since. One of my reasons for not wanting to travel is that I do not want to leave my elderly cavalier, the companion animal who has been with me through so much.  Anyway! I have finally got a photo I can use. It took me a few visits to different places to get something that did not make me look like a criminal.  I am not sure that travel is the answer to my sense of aloneness but I do appreciate my daughters intention and her willingness to accompany me and make sure I have a good time.