Setting boundries
Monday I set some boundries with the girl. In an attempt to get the girl to stop treating me like crap and throwing biblical temper tantrums, I set a rule for her - when she gets into the car, she hands me her cell phone and I put it in my pocket. If she complains or disrupts, distracts me or endangers us during the drive, she does not get it back when we arrive.
Yesterday, I set some boundries with my brother, who has a habit of letting himself into my home (our mother's house) whenever he wants, whether or not I am home or expecting him. I changed the locks on the back door, so that he does not have a key. My mother had given him a key, and when I moved in here, at my other brother's request with the permission of my mother, who is in a nursing home, my mother telling me that this is now "my house", my younger brother stopped letting himself in, but the older one just keeps coming over without letting me know and letting himself in, whether or not I am actually here.
I feel a little better about it, because a few times my older brother has actually frightened me by entering the house when I wasn't expecting him to come and I did not feel safe because of it. After the things that happened before we left Maine, I no longer can trust him. He does not understand, so I have to make him understand. He does not live here, he does not have the right to simply enter the house whenever he feels like it, and he should show the proper respect of getting permission to enter rather than taking the liberty of entering whenever he feels like it.
I left for him a bag with a christmas present from the younger brother and the mail he was coming to collect inside the screen door, and when I returned home, it was gone. Since he did not call to question this, I will assume that he has gotten the message until he proves otherwise.
As for the girl, she is much more compliant and less disruptive, despite the fact that she tried to enlist the aid of the therapist at the program and the social worker at the school to remove the "consequence" from her and reverse my demand.
She actually cleaned her room, and has started cooperating with me on most things.
As Stephen King said, "sometimes being a bitch is the only thing that a woman has to hold on to".
Also, the hospital program counselor insisted that the girl needed "in home treatment", which is basically someone coming to the house several times per week and performing "intensive therapy", which is something that I have striven to avoid for several years, and this is not the first time that this attempt has been tried to be forced upon me and I am strongly apposed to it. I feared that the new program and the Center was going to force it upon me, as well, but they did not.
The girl will do fine with weekly therapy and medication management. She did so for 7 years. It is horrible, in my opinion, to force such things upon people and pointless to do so, as therapy is something that a person has to use for themselves and forcing someone into therapy is pointless, especially if they fight it.
So, it is me and the girl, with the aid of a therapist helping her and a psychiatrist (to be determined) to manage the medication. Good luck to us, as they are telling me at the center that she will have to wait 3 months for a psych appointment, and she only has enough medication to last 30 days.
The program was not very helpful to her, completely unhelpful to us, and I feel that it was a complete waste of time, energy, and resources. Now, my girl is on dangerous medication which stablizes her, but she cannot miss a dose or risk seizures and destabilization with no way to get more when the 30 days is over.
I am not pleased.
Yesterday, I set some boundries with my brother, who has a habit of letting himself into my home (our mother's house) whenever he wants, whether or not I am home or expecting him. I changed the locks on the back door, so that he does not have a key. My mother had given him a key, and when I moved in here, at my other brother's request with the permission of my mother, who is in a nursing home, my mother telling me that this is now "my house", my younger brother stopped letting himself in, but the older one just keeps coming over without letting me know and letting himself in, whether or not I am actually here.
I feel a little better about it, because a few times my older brother has actually frightened me by entering the house when I wasn't expecting him to come and I did not feel safe because of it. After the things that happened before we left Maine, I no longer can trust him. He does not understand, so I have to make him understand. He does not live here, he does not have the right to simply enter the house whenever he feels like it, and he should show the proper respect of getting permission to enter rather than taking the liberty of entering whenever he feels like it.
I left for him a bag with a christmas present from the younger brother and the mail he was coming to collect inside the screen door, and when I returned home, it was gone. Since he did not call to question this, I will assume that he has gotten the message until he proves otherwise.
As for the girl, she is much more compliant and less disruptive, despite the fact that she tried to enlist the aid of the therapist at the program and the social worker at the school to remove the "consequence" from her and reverse my demand.
She actually cleaned her room, and has started cooperating with me on most things.
As Stephen King said, "sometimes being a bitch is the only thing that a woman has to hold on to".
Also, the hospital program counselor insisted that the girl needed "in home treatment", which is basically someone coming to the house several times per week and performing "intensive therapy", which is something that I have striven to avoid for several years, and this is not the first time that this attempt has been tried to be forced upon me and I am strongly apposed to it. I feared that the new program and the Center was going to force it upon me, as well, but they did not.
The girl will do fine with weekly therapy and medication management. She did so for 7 years. It is horrible, in my opinion, to force such things upon people and pointless to do so, as therapy is something that a person has to use for themselves and forcing someone into therapy is pointless, especially if they fight it.
So, it is me and the girl, with the aid of a therapist helping her and a psychiatrist (to be determined) to manage the medication. Good luck to us, as they are telling me at the center that she will have to wait 3 months for a psych appointment, and she only has enough medication to last 30 days.
The program was not very helpful to her, completely unhelpful to us, and I feel that it was a complete waste of time, energy, and resources. Now, my girl is on dangerous medication which stablizes her, but she cannot miss a dose or risk seizures and destabilization with no way to get more when the 30 days is over.
I am not pleased.
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