SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED, NO SERIOUSLY!!
I am struggling so bad. I just want to say that I admire ALL ladies who try for another baby after a miscarriage or stillbirth. I am in complete awe of the ladies who are pregnant with their "rainbow" after losing their "angel". I however want to try but I am so scared. You see I wish I could just "try". I am angry because my "try" cost me thousands of dollars to have another cycle. The bright spot is I was offered a summer position in which I can make 4,000 in 6 weeks which can finance another cycle. However, I am so scared to pay for another cycle in which I might be losing money if it doesn't work OR this happens again (lose the baby). I was told by my RE to call when my cycle starts in JUNE. I am a teacher so an IVF cycle that can be complete in the summer is HUGE because I don't have to take off. It seems that everything is working in my favor. I am just well simply put "SCARED AS HELL". 7 teachers REPEAT 7 teachers are pregnant at my school. ALL OF WHOM SEEMS TO HAVE COME OUT AFTER I LOST MY BABY!! AWWWWWWWWWWW. I don't know if I can stand all these pregnant mommies in the fall!! I just feel I need encouragement. I want to try again, but I am so scared, my hubby is like let's do it! In which, I look at him like "HUSH, YOU AIN'T CARRYING THE BABY". I need encouragment from the ladies WHO FREAKIN GET IT!!
Replies
Hi sweetie. I\'ve been praying for you. Before I would try again I would try to find out if they can figure out why you went into pre- term labor and what the plan is to make sure it doesnt happen again. Now from some one who had a late term loss I will tell you that you will be a nervous wreck for 9 months. You will have the worst if worse thoughts. You freak over ever pain. You will need an understanding hand holding obgyn. I\'m pregnant and have a u/s tomorrow and im convinced something is wrong. There is no such thing as a worry free or stress free pregnancy ever again. When it comes time to deliver you will think this is it this is when ill loose this one. It a morbid way to think but its the truth. But as the mother of a 17 month old that I was blessed with after 3 losses it is worth it. So worth it. I know right now the pain feels impossible but when your child runs up to you and hugs you its worth it. I would go through it all over again. Good luck, ill continue to pray for you.
I haven\'t been through what you have so I have no advice to offer, but I want you to know I am praying for you and for you to know when the time is right, and for you to have \'enough\' courage, however much or little that may be.
I am truly sorry for your loss! I had a good friend who lost her son when she was 6 months along. A year later they welcomed their healthy and happy son Issah. It was a tough decision and scary road for them but now they are living their life with the son that they dreamed about. WIshing you strength and love right now...I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now.
I think you\'re ready to try again when the desire for a baby somehow starts to be stronger than the fear. I have complete and total baby fever despite the fear. I am determined to have at least one more (preferably 3 more) and am just trying to trust God that it will happen. For us, getting pregnant isn\'t the problem; it is staying pregnant. My first pregnancy resulted in my wonderful son. I\'ve since had three losses, including a stillbirth at just shy of 38 weeks. Trying again is hard, but we really, really want more children and know all the anxiety and fear are ultimately worth it. Big hugs, Corrine
I do get it. I also had a miscarriage. I was doing IVF and my insurance covered nothing. So, after 3years of trying, I was down to my last funds. I thought about it. I could save my last $ and know that I had $ in the bank, or I could try AGAIN and know in my heart that even if it did not work, I did every single thing in my power to make it happen. I did not want to look back with regret and think, why didn\'t I just keep trying. All of my IF left me with no money and many bills but I do not have regrets. I was scared much of the time but figured, if not me, if not now, when? You are not alone in this. So many of us understand and want to support you in any way we can. I also agree with Nickkinash08- when you do get pregnant again, you will be nervous. I was anxious for the entire pregnancy. I kept thinking, is this really happening? I will pray for you to find peace and keep going.
Oh sweetheart, I can\'t even begin to comprehend the pain your are in now and the past few weeks/months.
When I was little my dad had a saying \"the price of failure is too high\" - I relied on that saying a lot during the 3+ years it took me to get pregnant, every time I was scared to try another cycle, I thought that if I gave in to the fear that the price if my \"failure\" was not having a baby...... And I just couldnt let myself give in to the fear.
I\'m sitting here crying for you, but please, please don\'t give up because what if this next cycle gives you your take home baby?
Much love to you my friend. Hugs
Thanks so much ladies!
Honey...I am so sorry that I dont have the answers you are searching for...I feel the same way...after 2 miscarriages in a 6 month period I am scared to death too about even trying....its a total turn off for me...of course I lost my angels alot earlier than you did...but I can relate to the feelings of fear....and the what if\'s....but what if...everything goes right?...there is always that possibility....you have to do what you feel is right for you....give yourself time to grieve the loss....we are all here for you whatever you choose to do....xoxoxox
I wasn\'t as far along as you were but I believe you will know when you are ready. The first month we actually tried after our MC I was terrified of actually getting pregnant. So, I decided to wait a few more months because it was just too stressful. As you already know IVF is stressful at it\'s best ask yourself if youare mentally ready for the demands it will make on you not to mention the stress of pregnancy when successful. Only you know when you are ready. Your heart and mind have to be in it to win it. I wish only wonderful things for you my friend take care and let your heart and mind be your guide. XO :)
This is such a difficult situation...so much more complicated than what we faced, since we didn\'t have the expense or agony of going through IVF. It seems so cruel that you have 7 teachers around you who are pregnant...ugh!!
I agree with Nikki to look into testing (if they haven\'t already). I felt much more empowered to learn that there were \"reasons\" for our son\'s death, as it gave me hope that we could help another baby get here safely. Like Nikki, I have to take Lovenox and baby aspirin, and then I also have to do the daily injections of Progesterone, but we have a \"plan\" and it helps me stay sane. :-)
I am so sorry you are in this spot and I will continue to pray for healing for your heart and discernment in your decisions! These are TOUGH ones!! {{HUGS}}
You have been in my everyday thoughts...this is a heard decision I know...but YOU have to be ready physically, emotionally, and mentally. I think if you feel that getting back on the wagon and trying again is worth being scared then I say GO FOR IT! You have every reason to be worried...but dont let that destroy your dream of being a Mommy! I was terrified after having a miscarriage to try again (nothing like your situation..but still, just an example)...and it was like once we decided on IVF and jumped on it, it gave me something to focus my attention on. Before then, all I thought about was my hurt. As far as the teachers at school...man, do I feel ya! I am a teacher too, and the same thing happened to me. (except just 3 people) It was SO hard to see them waddling around and complaining...I just wanted to scream! Hang in there sweetie! Still praying for you! :)
I know what you are saying. The day I went for my ultrasound at almost 7 weeks and they told me there was only a sac and no fetus as soon as I got into the car I lost it and my first thought was I don\'t want to do this anymore. Am just thinking now I am ready to do a frozen transfer but I don\'t know if I could do another fresh IVF right now. Plus I understand the money. I have no savings right now we had to pay out of pocket for everything. Good Luck with everything. You will feel like trying again soon but take all the time you need
I understand perfectly what you are going through. Do not despair. THings are lining up right now and give up on this opportunity would make you reject it later. You are the only one who knows how your body feels right now. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and that we could see into the future just to make sure. Praying for you hun
Do not be so hard on yourself! After a loss of a baby, you have to figure that it will at least take the number of months that you were pregnant to emotionally and physically get back to something even close to normal. You have been doing amazingly well. It\'s just one of the hardest things a woman has to go through.
Like the other women here have said, at some point, the desire to procreate becomes stronger than the fear. The fear never goes away, but it\'s something you live with and you learn how to juggle hope and fear at the same time. Things will be different next time around -- your doctors are prepared for preterm labor and will be monitoring you so much more closely. Things like bedrest and cerclage are available, They will not be caught unawares this time. I cannot promise you a happy ending, but I can promise you that your doctors are going to be at your side, doing everything they can for you and your future baby.
If you really do not feel ready to do IVF this summer, do not feel as though you have to. Give yourself the permission that you can back out at the last minute if you\'re not ready. Just knowing you have that option might make you less panicked.
We will all be here to support you.