September is always a struggle
Well it's here again September, times of joy, times of sadness and they get all mixed up in my head.
Yesterday September 1st, my handsome Grandson Brenden turned 7, he is a beautiful little man who happens to look just like his Daddy.... his daddy is in jail and then most likely more prison time right now we don't even know how long but he has already missed most of this precious little boys growing years.
Tomorrow my Daughter Carrie Ann would have turned 23 years old, SIDS took her from us and although her birthday was a celebration the day she was born, as the years go by they just hurt. What would she look like, what would she be doing now in her adult life.
My husbands birthday is the 5th, we brought our little girl home on his birthday..... I can remember the day as if it was yesterday, the outfit I dressed her in, how excited our whole family was to be home. Her brothers getting to hold her and show her off to their friends. My Mom came from 4 hours away to help me and the third day there we had a really bad tornado and we literally used Carries crib mattress and hid with her and my boys as the sirens and wind blew. My husbands parents lived close to us then and his parents were thrilled with another grandbaby to love.
My birthday is the 26th, I turned 25, 23 days after Carrie arrived, in one year she would have been as old as I was when I gave birth to her, I will never get to hold her children....be a grandma to my daughters children..... so many things I haven't or will never get to do.
September make me crazy... there are so many things to celebrate yet so many things to mourn....
Today would have been my Paternal Grandparents anniversary neither are with us anymore.
I have a beautiful neice who is due with a little girl on my birthday....excitment yet scared....God please don't let SIDS happen to our family again.
I seem to be jumping from one thing to the other.....that's what my head is doing.....
I am praying today to make it through this month again.... hoping for joy for my sisters first grandbaby, seeing my grandson grow and flourish, yet hurting for the little girl I only got to keep for a little while.
Tears are coming I guess I should go do something like clean, I know I will be okay, I wonder what my son is thinking, he missed another birthday, and he knows that his sisters birthday is hard on me.... is he thinking about all this too.....
I have to go back to my favorite saying that helped me many many days after her death......
Day by Day life is hard.... Inch by Inch lives a chinch...... taking it a inch at a time this month.
Rest in peace Carrie Ann until we meet again !!!!!
Yesterday September 1st, my handsome Grandson Brenden turned 7, he is a beautiful little man who happens to look just like his Daddy.... his daddy is in jail and then most likely more prison time right now we don't even know how long but he has already missed most of this precious little boys growing years.
Tomorrow my Daughter Carrie Ann would have turned 23 years old, SIDS took her from us and although her birthday was a celebration the day she was born, as the years go by they just hurt. What would she look like, what would she be doing now in her adult life.
My husbands birthday is the 5th, we brought our little girl home on his birthday..... I can remember the day as if it was yesterday, the outfit I dressed her in, how excited our whole family was to be home. Her brothers getting to hold her and show her off to their friends. My Mom came from 4 hours away to help me and the third day there we had a really bad tornado and we literally used Carries crib mattress and hid with her and my boys as the sirens and wind blew. My husbands parents lived close to us then and his parents were thrilled with another grandbaby to love.
My birthday is the 26th, I turned 25, 23 days after Carrie arrived, in one year she would have been as old as I was when I gave birth to her, I will never get to hold her children....be a grandma to my daughters children..... so many things I haven't or will never get to do.
September make me crazy... there are so many things to celebrate yet so many things to mourn....
Today would have been my Paternal Grandparents anniversary neither are with us anymore.
I have a beautiful neice who is due with a little girl on my birthday....excitment yet scared....God please don't let SIDS happen to our family again.
I seem to be jumping from one thing to the other.....that's what my head is doing.....
I am praying today to make it through this month again.... hoping for joy for my sisters first grandbaby, seeing my grandson grow and flourish, yet hurting for the little girl I only got to keep for a little while.
Tears are coming I guess I should go do something like clean, I know I will be okay, I wonder what my son is thinking, he missed another birthday, and he knows that his sisters birthday is hard on me.... is he thinking about all this too.....
I have to go back to my favorite saying that helped me many many days after her death......
Day by Day life is hard.... Inch by Inch lives a chinch...... taking it a inch at a time this month.
Rest in peace Carrie Ann until we meet again !!!!!
Replies
:\'( my daughter Brielle was born on daddy\'s birthday. October 25th. Dreading that day. Having a bad day today. Feeling sad. I\'m with you :(
Jessica I will say a prayer that your day becomes better, sometimes it\'s just breath by breath. Will keep you in my prayers :)
Wishing I had something to help you along this month .. just the right words but you have probably heard it all and nothing heals that type of hurt....You seem to be such a Loving Mom and you have been given more pain most..Stories like yours make me bubble over with gratitude and Love for my kids...it helps me to be reminded every day how lucky I am and how life can change in a second..to tell them and everyone I Love how much they mean to me...i learn to appreciate what life has dealt me and what I have now because it could be so gone tomorrow..Your strenght is inspiring to me..your dedication is amazing and your family is very lucky to have you!!
I\'m so sorry that this is a hard month for you, and I see why. Wish there were words to help you. I hope Sept comes and goes fast.