September 7th, 2021
Why is it that im either manic or depressed? I feel like I am never stable/balanced. Last night I muttered under my breath and said " at least you can control your emotions." I envy those who can. I am always a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and or im sleeping my life away and can't pull myself out of bed. Will I ever be stable..? I always worry about having kids and not being mentally stable enough to handle it.. I know that is far in the future, but it still gets to me. Life is beautiful and it is supposed to be an adventure.. but my anxiety tells me not to get on the plane or dont get on that boat.. its not worth it. I feel like im holding my Fiance back from having any adventures in her life. I want to do better, but I get inside my head and it is hard to be pulled out.
- Kayla, 1934hrs
Replies
I can relate, Kayla, as my PTSD symptoms were such that I was initially misdiagnosed as bipolar and took bipolar medication. It didn't do me any good, though, and so that's why my psychiatrist and my psychologist got back together and delved further into my background and corrected their diagnosis. I didn't mind as far as the mental health stigma was concerned, since both bipolar disorder and PTSD are targets of stigma out there in the world. It did matter to me clinically, though, since bipolar's caused by genetics whereas PTSD is from trauma from an external event. The medications, then, are really different. Getting on Seroquel for my PTSD nightmares hurt my kidneys, but getting on kidney-safe Prazosin for PTSD nightmares has really helped.