September 20, 2016

Why does everyone get so mad when I tell them I want to die? It’s the truth. I cut my leg so bad that I was in tears and limping today at work. But, I will want to cut tonight and probably will. Ed said I can talk to him but I can’t talk about me dying. I can’t talk about this with Brandon either, because he needs time to think. So now I have nobody. I know the second I tell Brandon this he’s going to call the police again. And then our friendship is over. I’ll be locked up, no one to visit. I have no one, no one to talk to, no one to stop me, no one to help me. I feel so alone, I feel stick, I don’t know what to do. I wanted to hurry and tell Brandon this and get it over with but he needs time, and it’s only making me feel worse. I keep thinking about what’s going to happen when I tell him this. I’m scared and alone right now, with no one to talk to or help me, it’s making me work, a lot worse.

I don’t think they should have let me leave the hospital. I’m talking to Amanda, she says that if I cut again, she’s calling the police. I don’t want to go to the hospital, because this time, I’m probably not getting out.