Sept, 23, 2010
Well, not sure where I’m at today, emotionally I mean. I finished the book “To good to leave, To bad to stay” last week. And I feel that it helped give me some validity in the way I feel . Did not tell me anything that I had not already thought, just helped open my eyes to the reality that I keep trying to make excuses for and cover over. I also went to a counseling session yesterday, my consular thanks that I’m moving in the right direction, she did say that I should dedicate some time learning more about our financial situation.
It upsets me that with the realization that I do not want to be living the life I have had with the wife for the past years that I still can’t be the one to “pull-the-plug”. I still feel obligated to the vows that I took, and I still love her, I just don’t want to be hurt anymore so I have taken the attitude of being a really good housemate. It seems to be making her happier, but does nothing for the loneliness I feel. And I have been here before, don’t know when or how long but the wife will get on a mad and I’ll be walking on eggshells trying to stay out of her way, while she is venting all the fury of the world at me for causing it. There are times like this I wish that I could be more like all the SOB’s out there who did not care about their morals, obligations and such, and just go out and find some gal to lie to, sweet talk, and hook-up with, just to be gone in the morning. But that is not me. Some days I hate being me!! And how I wish I could feel a set of arms around me. Enough of that, deal with today. Think I’ll mow the yard this evening. Dang, another weekend coming. I hate weekends.
It upsets me that with the realization that I do not want to be living the life I have had with the wife for the past years that I still can’t be the one to “pull-the-plug”. I still feel obligated to the vows that I took, and I still love her, I just don’t want to be hurt anymore so I have taken the attitude of being a really good housemate. It seems to be making her happier, but does nothing for the loneliness I feel. And I have been here before, don’t know when or how long but the wife will get on a mad and I’ll be walking on eggshells trying to stay out of her way, while she is venting all the fury of the world at me for causing it. There are times like this I wish that I could be more like all the SOB’s out there who did not care about their morals, obligations and such, and just go out and find some gal to lie to, sweet talk, and hook-up with, just to be gone in the morning. But that is not me. Some days I hate being me!! And how I wish I could feel a set of arms around me. Enough of that, deal with today. Think I’ll mow the yard this evening. Dang, another weekend coming. I hate weekends.
Replies
and right you are, WT... you are NOT an SOB who would just go out there and \"get yourself some\" and walk out in the morning. that\'s not the kind of stuff you are made of... i want to commend you for being a man of character who will not \"return evil for evil.\"
i read that book also, \"too good to leave, too bad to stay\". it confirms and validates a lot of what i am going through also...
good on you also for seeing your counsellor... you are taking responsibility for what is within your own control... it is so sad that she is unwilling to go with you.
living with an emotionally unpredictable person is very draining... i can attest to that.
weekends are hard.... is there something you can do which would \"fill your emotional tank\"? fishing, seeing a buddy for coffee, hiking...
may God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage, a brave heart, to change the things you can, and wisdom to know the difference between the two.
take good care of yourself, k?