Sept, 17, 2010
I’m struggling these last few days. Just feeling very, very lonely and empty. The wife reached over and patted my arm last night and said “Love You”. This after it has been so good that I have not tried to touch her (beside a peck on the check as I say goodbye when leaving the house) in a few weeks. Maybe I’m just over reacting, feeling sorry for myself but I’m trying to remember that I’m not the only one in this deal. Her feeling, wishes and desires count to. But why do I feel so empty and used? Headed to the hills this weekend. I hope something positive comes from it, but I am feeling more and more being lonely is easer to take when your alone. I feel obligated to her because we do need my paycheck. She would be at poverty level if we separated, but then so would I. But I would be a littler better off because I have lived in a tent, barn, camper, pick-up before. But I feel it is in our future, I hope something changes that. But I don’t want to still be here where I am , years down the road.