seperated & divorce is likely

How the hell did I let my marriage get to this point? I dont kno...wot I do kno tho, is that its unlikely that reconciliation will hapn =(
I hav my eldest son with me, but my 6 other babies are with their mum =( I never wanted it to come to this, but here we are. I feel like such a waste of space sometimes, & hav even gotn to the point of feeln suicidal a number of times...wot stops me? Ill tell ya...its the effect itll hav on my kids, thats wot stops me...& yet I still hav those moments of bein in the pit of despair. I realise some of this is my fault & I hav no one else to blame but myself really.
After 11 months of no intimacy with my wife, I weakened & slept with someone...now Im told I wont be coming home =( geez Im such a dork!