Senseless rambling..
Wasting much time; mentally confined to thoughts misaligned with THY'S sublime; seeking a purpose that's undefined..The blessings I've forgot, consumed of all I am - NOT! Living indifferently & obliviously - dying slowly & painfully; misery's my constant company; grateful of life's mortality..disconnected from the human race, falling short of YOUR grace; lost in a transparent faith..feeling constantly defeated, my will's depleated..consumed by this crisis, I'm left wondering where Christ is..
O Lord, do you hear me?! Are you listening?! Or is this another muted soliloquy?!..
O Lord, do you hear me?! Are you listening?! Or is this another muted soliloquy?!..
Replies
Take your focus off yourself and look at the cross. He fell three times, why are you exempt? If you listen and watch, you will hear and see, I promise. It might take some time but it will happen. When we are so lost in our misery, when we are tempted to despair, it blocks communication between ourselves and God. This I know for a fact. He is always listening. We don\'t know the purpose for our suffering, not now. But it is temporary. He will wipe every tear from every eye. Keep praying.
Mal, despite one\'s religious or spiritual inclinations, one\'s will and faith lie inside. Sometimes it\'s very hard to grasp it. Sometimes it flows like a river. For some, this can come easy - for others it\'s a desperate struggle, a search for meaning.
All I can tell you Mal is that we\'re all in this together. We\'re all organic, chemical discombobulations that are no more or less important than another. We are all human - deserving of loving kindness. Unfortunately, reciprocating that back unto ourselves is something many of us find very hard to do.
I too feel indifferent, miserable, not caring if I live or die. But I have bouts of hope - they come from within. It can be a constant struggle to bring these notions to the forefront, but they are there. We do have the tools within ourselves to help lift us up out of this misery. It may take a little therapy, a little prozac, but ultimately, it\'s inside our brains - the chemical imbalances, the tumors pressing on our amygdala, the hormonal shifts brought on by grief, depression and anxiety.
I\'m not saying that we choose to feel this way - I\'m just saying that we can have a profound impact on our own mental and emotional well-being.
I wish you well, I hope you find a little light in this time of darkness. Sometimes the candle blows out, or the flame flickers dimly - sometimes we just need some matches to get it lit again. I\'m still looking for the matches. If I find some, I\'ll send them your way :)
The fact that you feel intense pain connects you to the human race.
Your fragility and strength a part of everyone.
I don\'t know why I was gifted with strong hope and believe in an ideal future which does not currently exist.
Write on my friend and may the poison of \"part\" of the truth of life dispel.
I am so sorry that I missed this entry somehow. I am glad that many good fronds with great insight answered you. I m always here for you and always hoping you will feel lighter and easier as time passes.