Self Therapy 1

I have been doing some very helpful self therapy for my OCD lately.
Lately I've been doing a fairly good job of resisting the urge to do rituals, as I know that it really won't make a difference if I do them or not. 
I have come to the conclusion that people with OCD consistently obsess about the things they fear the most. (duh) But that's how bad my OCD was, before I couldn't see that. My brain causes me to obsess about things like harming my family members, not believing in God, and sexual things that disturb me. The reason why I obsess about these things is because my brain isn't able to process the reality of these thoughts. Excessive anxiety (which is a brain's reaction to a stressor, in my case, the intrusive thoughts) causes me to fear that the things I think about are possible, and maybe even I want these things. But the answer came to me, I think this way because my brain makes me, I don't want to. It scares me so much, that my brain reacts in a way that is disproportionate to reality. My brain doesn't understand that all of these things are IMPOSSIBLE. For example, I frequently have thoughts about using witchcraft to harm people. My brain often interprets simple actions, like typing this journal entry for example, is an act of witchcraft. Ridiculous, but it's not me, it's OCD. If I truly knew how to practice witchcraft, I wouldn't. But my brain tries to tell me that I'm capable of these things. I need to remember that my OCD is NOT ME. I should re-read and re-write this journal entry every day until the Prozac kicks in, and take an occasional Ativan, but all of these conclusions have made me feel significantly calmer. The rest will come with the action of the medication and the understanding from clinical therapy. Therefore, I can finally rest, a little :)