Self Sabotage

I've been thinking alot about self sabotage lately.  If eating healthy and losing weight is REALLY a priority, why aren't I achieving my goals?  There's something more than knowing what to eat and getting up off the couch to exercise.  I've heard the phrase, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels".  Obviously that's not true for everyone or we'd all be thin!  This brings me back to my relationship with food and exercise and my self worth.  I was always rewarded with food.  Food was my comfort.  The result becomes a protective shield of fat keeping me safe on the inside.  It has also shielded me from rejection as who would want the fat girl?  Unfortunately, this shield has stayed with me through my life.  It's a safe haven.  How do you break this?  What keeps you motivated?  Any movement on the scale, up or down, is unnerving to me.  Why is the number so important?  I'm questioning everything - maybe it's time that I did.  Maybe it's time to really look at myself and what I want out of life, what am I  ALLOWING to pass me by just so I can eat with no restrictions.  I've stocked my refrigerator with healthy fruits and veggies in hopes of once again starting a healthy lifestyle.