Self Love?...

Being good to yourself, loving yourself before others can love you...what does this truely mean and how does one learn/apply this philosophy and why does this attract others?  It sounds rational and so simplistic; something that should already be pre-programmed into one's DNA at birth but the application sounds very problematic, trivial, & elusive for me...I've grown accustomed to degrading myself when I do 'stupid', careless things.  If I could just jump out of my skin for 5 minutes, I'd tear myself a new one; rip myself a new ass-hole; etc then jump back in my skin, look in the mirror & admire my handy-work..."THERE - TAKE THAT YOU IMBECILE!"  Having this much self-hate & being so critical of myself is such a far cry from being kind or liking myself. 'Loving myself some me' is such a foreign concept; just unthinkable.   I had always wanted a companion primarily so I'm not alone with myself.  Someone that can act as a mediator between my Jekyll & Hyde personality conflicts.  If I become permanently alone, I will destroy myself for good; once and for-all.  Left alone my money's on Mr. Hyde to beat the shit out of Dr. Jekyll.  How can I either lock Hyde up or send him in permanent exile?  How can I restore Jekyll & make him my true counterpart and the exclusive personality for my remaining days?  This is just beyond my understanding, I can't seem to wrap my mind around this.   This is rock-science for me.  Not only do I not understand but I'm extremely frustrated in my lack of understanding of what appears to be elementary or fundamental to everyone else.   Guess everyone elses' sanity paves the path for their clarity...I wonder if there's a 'For Dummies' book published on this subject matter...
So giving myself life is unselfish, but taking my life is?  What I do with my life is between me & my GOD.