Self harm (possible trigger warning)
This has never been something I have done before. But last night I started burning myself with a lighter. I know its gonna hurt me and I still do it. This morning I was doing my hair and I purposely burnt my hand multiple times. I really need help. I feel like I cant be alone anymore. I need someone to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. My anxiety is so bad I have been nausous almost everyday. I am eating a little bit everyday tho. Im trying so hard. I know I cant give up but I want out of this house. I want to be 18 already so I can leave. I was talking to Tristans mom yesterday and she mentioned that she knows how hard its gonna be for me when Kaden leaves, I know its gonna be hard but I forgot that he has the ability to leave this month when he turns 18. I am beyond scared for what is gonna happen.
I need help, I just dont know how to get help.
Replies
If you can get on here more often, there's me, Cali and even Bob helps a LOT. Hang in there. I'll send you a poem i wrote. Its long. I think it fits you rn.
Im so sorry to hear all this.
Please dont do anything to self harm yourself. You dont want to leave scars.
I know your hurting and your worried about having to do everything when Kaden leaves.
But again you can only do so much. You have school and Im sure homework. And track.
Your dad and step mom need to understand that. Its not your responsibility to take care of your younger brother or anything else. You have a life too. And you want to find a job.
They need to leave you alone and let you do what you want.
Do come on more and we can help you get through this.
I'm sending you lots of hugs and Love.
Hang in there. Were here for you.
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I'm so sorry for what you're going through, Shy. You don't deserve to be hurt - not by your parents, and not by yourself. I know it's hard to cope when things feel overwhelming and out of control. Given what you're facing at home, I understand why you're desperate to manage the emotional pain in any way that you can. The longer you self-harm (through burning, restricted eating, etc..), the harder it will be to quit.
When you feel like self-harming, do your best to recognize the trigger. What just happened, and what emotion are you feeling? Then try to delay the self-harm by telling yourself, "I'll wait ten minutes before I do anything." There are alternatives to self-harm that I hope you will consider. Some will work for you; some won't. Every teen is different, and it will be trial and error to find what helps you, so please don't give up. I'm sure that others here will think of things to add.
When you need to process your feelings - be it anger, sadness, frustration, overwhelm, etc.:
Have a one-sided pillow fight with your wall.
Go outside and scream as loud as you can.
Blow up balloons and pop them.
Pop an entire sheet of bubble wrap.
Curl up and cry.
Talk with a trusted friend.
Listen to music that expresses how you feel (playlists for different emotions really help).
Take pictures of things that represent the emotions you feel (anger, sadness, loneliness, etc.).
Create blackout poetry (using a book, magazine...anything) that expresses the emotions you're feeling.
Write a letter to yourself in which you remind yourself that you're amazing and don't deserve any of this!!
Write a letter to your parents, telling them everything you wish you could say (and then burn the letter, not your hand).
If none of these help in the moment, and you absolutely must feel pain, then:
Hold ice cubes in your hands (or rub them where you burn yourself).
Take a freezing cold shower.
Snap a rubber band on your wrist.
Clap your hands hard until they sting.
You may want to use some mindfulness techniques, if you aren't already, that will bring your overall anxiety down to a more manageable level. Box breathing (inhale 4 seconds; hold 4 seconds; exhale 4 seconds; hold 4 seconds) can be super helpful, as can guided meditation (free on YouTube; happy to give recommendations).
Also, I believe that your faith is important to you, so I'll add that having a few Bible passages at the ready can be helpful too. My go-to has always been "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) My childhood was rough, and there were days when I thought I wouldn't live to see 18. But I did, and so will you. *You* can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You are strong, Shy, and you will get through this.
Finally, I realize this isn't possible for you at this very moment. But know that you don't have to wait until you're 18 to get out. You can legally be emancipated in your state at 16, if you are living separately from your parents, supporting yourself, and the court finds it's in your best interest. You can file on your own (you don't need an adult to file for you), and legal aid can help, if you need it. Consider making that a goal, because it will give you hope, and that's what you need to hold on to right now.
Hugging you across the miles.
Thank you. You all help me so much. I will be writing about about my feelings and finding ways to cope. I just want this storm to pass. Im trying really hard. I will try those techniques.
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It's clear that you're trying really hard. Even though the storm is raging and may feel all-consuming right now, it won't last forever. Storms pass. The sky remains. You are the sky. Hugs.
I am the sky <3
I will keep telling myself that
<3 I miss you Shy. Love you girl.
Awww. Miss you Shy baby.<3
I miss yall too!
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