Self Doubt and Questions

Today, I feel alone. I am sitting at work and I feel like I can't do my job. I feel like everyone is trying to do my job for me instead of just letting me do it myself. I have to be really careful about it as well, because the negative voice in my head is there in the back ground with all the doubts that I have built up. And no one is doing anything wrong by just doing the work themselves, but it sucks for me because it makes me doubt my own capability, and makes me question why I am even here, other than for a paycheck. I need that paycheck...

Some of my other worries are about change. Changing what I do since I have a baby that I need to start playing with and stop spending so much time watching tv and ignoring whether or not my house is clean or ignoring chores that need to be done. I need better routines. But I hate change. I worry about moving in with my friend Holly. For some of the reasons that I mentioned yesterday, and two just because I really don't like change. I mean once we are there it will be fine, but between what we have to do to get there at both her house and then our house as well bothers me. Our house isn't really that hard. Once we are able to start moving over it will not be that hard...I mean we have a lot of clothes, and then Damien's toys, but besides that it is all big stuff, like our bed and the desk and television stands. I am scared to even go see what we are in store for when it comes to cleaning out her basement/house. I know the basement is full of cobwebs and probably cat shit, but I don't know to what extent. I need to go get cleaning things, and then get her to accept that she is going to need to get rid of most of her things. She flips out on my husband every time he tries to start doing anything.