Self-Centring Torture Chamber

Maybe there's some point to typing this out, but I'm not yet sure.
I'm currently sick of who I am and I'll try to give some insight into as to why.
I don't want to hear "it's the depression talking" or any other simplified, lazy way of trying to explain what's going on.
It has to be a combination of things; my biological chemistry; childhood development with learned behaviours and the conditioning from the environment, etc; the nature of how life works here on Earth in relation to our solar system; the soul's desire to expand itself through lesson's needing to be learned; and so on.
It's more than just chemicals acting up.
So then, the 'Self-Centring Torture Chamber' -
This is the path (or at least one path) to how this comes to be -
 
* Being self-centred yet to have no desire to live for oneself
* Anger, resentment, bitterness, etc for having to live for oneself - to be 'alone'
* Apathy/loss of interest towards anything or anyone.
* Absence of 'positive' emotion - dominance of 'negative' emotion
* Self-neglect - physical and mental
* Isolation (eg. locking oneself away in a house)
* Fine tuned destructive beliefs/thought patterns
 
That's the best I can do to explain it for now, but you can see how, at any of these points, the cycle begins and the torture chamber is created. Seeking help from others is necessary, but there's that resistance to it. Plus a lot of this is self created and can only be undone by the one creating it.
Anyway....I'll leave it at that.