Self-abuse

I did it again. Last night I cut. I can't stand the anxiety, or the emotions lying underneath.
Today, looking at it, I feel like a hypocrite. Self-abuse can be found in animistic religions used to appease the spirits and missionaries go to save the people from that. Here I am, cutting myself for release, not deliberately "worshipping" spirits, but certainly turning to it for help instead of God. It's our own cultures version of it - like abortion is our version of child sacrifice. We our worshipping "self". In cutting, I'm worshipping self, giving in to pain. By the time I get through saying all this I want to punish myself for punishing myself! Lol, but I need to be washed in the blood and I need to pick up the sword of Gods Word.
I have emotional wounds. Just as animists who turn to Christ stop bringing their wounds to shamans and start trusting in Christ, I need to stop turning tocutting and trust that God can and will bring me the relief I need.
At the same time, I recognize that you don't expect the indigenous ppl to throw out their shamanry instantaneously.  Their trust and faith in God has to grow to the point where they are able willing and freely give up their 'coping mechanisms' and trust that God is better.  God'll get me there.  It's not happening overnight, but He's loving me through this, through to the other side.

Replies

KeepHoldingOn
KeepHoldingOn

i could have written this journal myself............. puting anything before god, or turning to anything BEFORE god.......it becomes a stumbling block and a sin. i know HE is faithful and just to forgive us, we just need more trust and faith i guess. if we ask, we will receive. im going to believe with you and for you that the blood of jesus will wash over you and that his sacrifice will be enough. you are fearfully and wonderfully made. im here for you girl, and i do understand.