Seems like it should be so simple.

the only thing i want is to be happy. i want my husband to be there for me not to have to say hey could you help me out. i want him to help me out when he sees me start to struggle not once  I'm about to drown and crying out for help. then once he dose help it feel like he dose because he is obligated not because he really wants to. YOu marry someone to be with them threw the think and then thin and because they are the one you always run to when there is something wrong or something right.why do i deserve all the things that have happened why do i deserve to struggle with just existing everyday.why do i have to have the feeling and urge to want to hurt myself all the time.