Seeking help
I went to my family doctor yesterday to get a referral for counseling. He asked me a bunch of questions and for once sat and listen to what I wanted instead of trying to push a pill on me. Then again, I haven't been seeing him as often lately, since I'm seeing my RE for the majority of my issues. I've seen my family doctor only twice in the last 8 or so months, and both times were for referrals. So, he's sent a referral off for me and suggested a few books (only one of which I can remember the name for) for me to read in the interim. I've placed that one on hold at the library (since I don't have the money to go buy it yet).
My hubby gave me lots of praise yesterday though, since I actually WANTED to walk to and from the doctors office (not far by car, but about 25-30 mins walking in good weather). Took us about 35 minutes each way because of the snow and some detours. We walked to the Tim Hortons near the doctor's office to get some hot chocolates before heading over for my appointment. On the way there, we stopped at the library (there's a branch along the path we take to the dr's, which I always use as it's a 10-15 min walk from here) to drop off a bunch of books I'd gotten and decided not to read. Then on the way back we stopped at the library again to pick up a few books and dvds that had come in for me.
I was actually quite happy with myself for once. Normally I cheap out and walk one way but take the bus back. We don't own a car, so I'm forced to walk or take a bus any day I go out, which helps sometimes.
Unfortunately, today my legs are uber sore and I was supposed to walk my nephew to school today. I walk him to and from and watch him before and after for a few hours every week day for 2 weeks each month. I lucked out and my hubby let me have the morning off and he walked my nephew (or should I say 'our nephew'?) to school this morning.
Speaking of having my nephew (N)... My brother's girlfriend (L) drops N off in the mornings and my brother (M) picks him up in the evening. This is an ok arrangement, except for when L starts complaining about things. It always starts off with a general complaint about the weather, or having to work, and for the most part I can keep the complaints generalized. Sometimes though, L complains about M not being interested in having a child with her. You see, they each have a child from previous relationships, her daughter is older and a spoiled brat. The kid scream-cries at the top of her lungs over a paper cut for goodness sake and she's 8 years old!
L thinks she knows how I feel because she wants another child and can't have one. I'm sorry, but NO! That's completely different! She HAS a child already, she doesn't know my pain at all!
So, Monday when M came to pick up his son, we got talking about things as we usually do. I mentioned that I wasn't happy with L for saying this, and he looked at me like I was crazy and then goes "What the hell... she doesn't know what you feel... why would she say that? She has a kid, that's so different!"
It's moments like that, that make me love my brother even more! He may be distant most of the time (he's just been diagnosed with depression and put on wellbutrin, so that could be why), but he's completely understanding. If he doesn't know what I'm talking about, he'll ask questions or look it up himself. He will admit he doesn't know the pain of not having a child, since he has a child, but at least he admits that he doesn't understand the pain. He understands that I'm in pain, but can't sympathize. That's more than enough to make me feel better.
He's making efforts to try to understand my hubby and I's pain, unlike anyone else in the family. This is all despite the fact that he's going through a rough patch himself! Then again, I always sympathize with him, he's got things rough in other ways (some birth defects and genetic disorders that may take away the use of his arms eventually and he’s a construction man, loves building and tinkering). I tend to be the only person who'll listen to him rant and rave and then NOT tell him what he needs to do, except on occasion when he NEEDS to be told "no, you need to do this and THEN that, it'll work out better!."
M and I have always been close, we're actually just under 11 months apart in age too (I was born early due to my mum being really sick when she was pregnant with me... maybe that's why I'm the only infertile woman in my extended family...). Our other brother has always been the black sheep, despite each of us feeling like being the family outcast. Both my brothers are older than me. I’m the youngest and M’s the middle child, our other brother is almost 2 years older than M, almost 3 years older than me. He’s the wild one too, which has lead to him being in a lot of trouble, but that's a different story.
Oh, another reason why I love M so much, he recognizes that our current arrangement with me walking his son to and from school and babysitting during his 2 weeks isn't ideal for me and my hubby. After talking about what L said and the fact that my hubby and I were going to seek counseling for the depression we're starting to fall into, M looked at me and goes "Yeah, and having this one," he pointed at his son, "doesn't really help you guys with that...".
I love my nephew, I really do. N's a wonderful child, always helpful and funny. He's intelligent and loving too. It does make me sad some days to watch him, but because he's older (he's 6, will be 7 in September, boy he's growing fast!), it doesn't bother me as much. If N was an infant still, I would be politely declining on the request to babysit. M fully understands that one too.
I won't be watching N for much longer though. The school year's almost up and next year I'll be in school myself (yup, going back to college at the age of 30, what fun, but I need to retrain for a better career!), so I wont be able to watch him anymore.
Ok... this is long enough... I'm going to go try to get some stuff done this morning.
My hubby gave me lots of praise yesterday though, since I actually WANTED to walk to and from the doctors office (not far by car, but about 25-30 mins walking in good weather). Took us about 35 minutes each way because of the snow and some detours. We walked to the Tim Hortons near the doctor's office to get some hot chocolates before heading over for my appointment. On the way there, we stopped at the library (there's a branch along the path we take to the dr's, which I always use as it's a 10-15 min walk from here) to drop off a bunch of books I'd gotten and decided not to read. Then on the way back we stopped at the library again to pick up a few books and dvds that had come in for me.
I was actually quite happy with myself for once. Normally I cheap out and walk one way but take the bus back. We don't own a car, so I'm forced to walk or take a bus any day I go out, which helps sometimes.
Unfortunately, today my legs are uber sore and I was supposed to walk my nephew to school today. I walk him to and from and watch him before and after for a few hours every week day for 2 weeks each month. I lucked out and my hubby let me have the morning off and he walked my nephew (or should I say 'our nephew'?) to school this morning.
Speaking of having my nephew (N)... My brother's girlfriend (L) drops N off in the mornings and my brother (M) picks him up in the evening. This is an ok arrangement, except for when L starts complaining about things. It always starts off with a general complaint about the weather, or having to work, and for the most part I can keep the complaints generalized. Sometimes though, L complains about M not being interested in having a child with her. You see, they each have a child from previous relationships, her daughter is older and a spoiled brat. The kid scream-cries at the top of her lungs over a paper cut for goodness sake and she's 8 years old!
L thinks she knows how I feel because she wants another child and can't have one. I'm sorry, but NO! That's completely different! She HAS a child already, she doesn't know my pain at all!
So, Monday when M came to pick up his son, we got talking about things as we usually do. I mentioned that I wasn't happy with L for saying this, and he looked at me like I was crazy and then goes "What the hell... she doesn't know what you feel... why would she say that? She has a kid, that's so different!"
It's moments like that, that make me love my brother even more! He may be distant most of the time (he's just been diagnosed with depression and put on wellbutrin, so that could be why), but he's completely understanding. If he doesn't know what I'm talking about, he'll ask questions or look it up himself. He will admit he doesn't know the pain of not having a child, since he has a child, but at least he admits that he doesn't understand the pain. He understands that I'm in pain, but can't sympathize. That's more than enough to make me feel better.
He's making efforts to try to understand my hubby and I's pain, unlike anyone else in the family. This is all despite the fact that he's going through a rough patch himself! Then again, I always sympathize with him, he's got things rough in other ways (some birth defects and genetic disorders that may take away the use of his arms eventually and he’s a construction man, loves building and tinkering). I tend to be the only person who'll listen to him rant and rave and then NOT tell him what he needs to do, except on occasion when he NEEDS to be told "no, you need to do this and THEN that, it'll work out better!."
M and I have always been close, we're actually just under 11 months apart in age too (I was born early due to my mum being really sick when she was pregnant with me... maybe that's why I'm the only infertile woman in my extended family...). Our other brother has always been the black sheep, despite each of us feeling like being the family outcast. Both my brothers are older than me. I’m the youngest and M’s the middle child, our other brother is almost 2 years older than M, almost 3 years older than me. He’s the wild one too, which has lead to him being in a lot of trouble, but that's a different story.
Oh, another reason why I love M so much, he recognizes that our current arrangement with me walking his son to and from school and babysitting during his 2 weeks isn't ideal for me and my hubby. After talking about what L said and the fact that my hubby and I were going to seek counseling for the depression we're starting to fall into, M looked at me and goes "Yeah, and having this one," he pointed at his son, "doesn't really help you guys with that...".
I love my nephew, I really do. N's a wonderful child, always helpful and funny. He's intelligent and loving too. It does make me sad some days to watch him, but because he's older (he's 6, will be 7 in September, boy he's growing fast!), it doesn't bother me as much. If N was an infant still, I would be politely declining on the request to babysit. M fully understands that one too.
I won't be watching N for much longer though. The school year's almost up and next year I'll be in school myself (yup, going back to college at the age of 30, what fun, but I need to retrain for a better career!), so I wont be able to watch him anymore.
Ok... this is long enough... I'm going to go try to get some stuff done this morning.
Replies
I\'m really glad your doctor listened and didn\'t try to push pills on you, and I\'m extra glad that you worked up the motivation to go for a walk! That\'s awesome that your husband went with you, I know you said you don\'t want to be alone with your thoughts while you\'re walking. Now that it\'s spring hopefully the weather will get warm sooner rather than later and going for walks will be a lot more enjoyable.
Your brother sounds amazing, and you are lucky to have such an incredible and supportive sibling! I understand what you mean about having mixed feelings watching your nephew if he were an infant. My niece is 2 and a half and I have a nephew on the way, due in August. I love my niece to death and I\'m sure I\'ll feel the same about the new baby, but sometimes it is just really hard. The older she gets, the easier it gets, but now with a new baby on the way I have to start from scratch...oh well. It is what it is!
Thanks for all of your support lately...I am taking your advice about staggering Tylenol and Advil except I\'m doing it with Percocet and Advil and so far it seems to be helping a little!
Yeah, my brother is awesome sometimes, lol. He\'s always willing to help, if he too can get the motivation to get things done. I think moving forward, I\'m going to see if I can convince him to seek counseling too (maybe it\'ll help him more than the pills do!).
My hubby attends all doctors appointments with me if he\'s not at work, which is great. He tries to get me to laugh and focus on something other than the IF and my weight too. I have another appointment this afternoon (follow up from having my gallbladder removed), and he\'s coming with me to that too.
As for my support, you\'re welcome! We all need a little support (I\'m finding just how much I really needed now that I\'ve joined this group) to get through. I\'m glad my advice is helping you! Make sure that if you use two painkillers that they don\'t have the same ingredients (i.e. if both have acetaminophen, then they both contain Tylenol and shouldn\'t be staggered as it can cause an overdose). I forgot to say that in my comment!