Seeking advice on getting my mind CLEAR of someone!
14Mar13 2:28pm
Have you ever had someone you just wanted to forget but couldn't get out of your mind? Some of you might remember that my MIL (mother in law) basically dumped me after being close friends/family for 13 years. She used to call me her 'real' daughter, the one they always hoped for (they have 2 sons) and said they were blessed to have me. I felt the same. They both were scientists, love nature, love the small things, love books, etc. It was like they were my REAL parents (no offense to my mom). We just clicked! My FIL doesn't really like anyone but he loved me and we spoke often about birds or rocks or anything nature. He reached out to me and I felt so special.
Then came the day I found out Missy had cancer I was alone at her place in Florida last Sept. I send a quick, loving message to my MIL in the am and when I got back from visiting Missy, the doctor called me (I'm Missy's medical person - forgot the name) and told me the bad news. I signed online hoping to get some encouragement, and my MIL said FUCK off (not those words but that's the message! Please excuse my language.). I was completely devastated. That was one of the blackest days of my life. I was already depressed about several bad things happening (a lot of you were awesome and read all my sad rants - thank you so much again!).
I'm a survivor and don't think in terms of giving up. But that day I was ready to give up. I can't tell you how low I was. I called Matt and told him (he had his friend down for the weekend and I felt really guilty but I was in a bad way). We were both completely floored. He ended up calling his mother and they had a HUGE blowout. His brother also called and they had an epic fight.
The long and short of my MIL 'reasons' for dumping me are: I'm fat and I'm sick. They think it's MY fault that doctor screwed up my pancreas. And they don't tolerate illness (they grew up Christian Scientists - see below for an excerpt from their website). So they got rid of me with no warning, picking the WORST day of my life to do so. This after I was sick for EIGHT years! I think it was no mistake she chose that day.
Even then, after a few months I tried to reach out and communicate. Tried to talk to her like an adult and discuss the issue. And I really, really tried! She gave me the cold shoulder. Then she sends Matt this weird email about how they were so 'worried' about me and stayed up all night looking up narcotics and side effects. They said that since I had unsupervised access to my meds, I was a danger to myself and couldn't be trusted. Hello! This knowing that I've been on these meds for EIGHT years and see my doctor every month (sometimes more than one doc) and ALWAYS talk to them about the meds and hoping I can get off soon. I hate having to take them but have no choice with the pain.
To me, this weird email was their effort at pushing a wedge in between Matt and I. They want him to get rid of me. And she's been sending emails every month now, just talking to him. She pretends I don't exist. Matt finally sent her a reply saying if they were going to pretend I was invisible, don't bother contacting him. That I was his partner and they couldn't just have a relationship with him. Plus, he's really angry about the way they behave and has been for years and years. From way before I met him. So if they weren't going to talk like civil adults and try to fix the problems, don't bother contacting him. They could go their separate ways.
I have such mixed feelings about this. I'm touched and proud of him for standing up to them. But I feel horribly guilty I had anything to do with the estrangement (his mother has still not replied). I wish I could fix it and offered to try again to talk to her. He 'forbid' me, saying they'd just see it as a sign of weakness.
So I've been trying hard NOT to think of my MIL. But I love her and it seems I bump into her everyplace around my house. My favorite sweater she knit me. My favorite blanket, she made me. She loves gardening and crafting (card making) and we used to talk a lot of them. I have literally dozens of beautiful cards she made me and use them as decorations around the house. She's EVERYWHERE and it's driving me nuts!! I think of her multiple times every single day.
My question is: How do you get someone out of your mind? I've tried visualizing a giant hand gently but firmly moving her aside and replacing her with something more positive. I've tried meditation. Yoga. Reading books. Seeing my therapist (when I can drive, which hasn't been often lately sadly). I need advice. I need her OUT of my head!! Please, if anyone has any tips, send them my way! Thank you in advance, as always. Nibs
Christian Scientist excerpt: Christian Science contends that illness is an illusion caused by faulty beliefs, and that prayer heals by replacing bad thoughts with good ones. Christian Science practitioners work by trying to argue the sick thoughts out of the patient’s mind.
Have you ever had someone you just wanted to forget but couldn't get out of your mind? Some of you might remember that my MIL (mother in law) basically dumped me after being close friends/family for 13 years. She used to call me her 'real' daughter, the one they always hoped for (they have 2 sons) and said they were blessed to have me. I felt the same. They both were scientists, love nature, love the small things, love books, etc. It was like they were my REAL parents (no offense to my mom). We just clicked! My FIL doesn't really like anyone but he loved me and we spoke often about birds or rocks or anything nature. He reached out to me and I felt so special.
Then came the day I found out Missy had cancer I was alone at her place in Florida last Sept. I send a quick, loving message to my MIL in the am and when I got back from visiting Missy, the doctor called me (I'm Missy's medical person - forgot the name) and told me the bad news. I signed online hoping to get some encouragement, and my MIL said FUCK off (not those words but that's the message! Please excuse my language.). I was completely devastated. That was one of the blackest days of my life. I was already depressed about several bad things happening (a lot of you were awesome and read all my sad rants - thank you so much again!).
I'm a survivor and don't think in terms of giving up. But that day I was ready to give up. I can't tell you how low I was. I called Matt and told him (he had his friend down for the weekend and I felt really guilty but I was in a bad way). We were both completely floored. He ended up calling his mother and they had a HUGE blowout. His brother also called and they had an epic fight.
The long and short of my MIL 'reasons' for dumping me are: I'm fat and I'm sick. They think it's MY fault that doctor screwed up my pancreas. And they don't tolerate illness (they grew up Christian Scientists - see below for an excerpt from their website). So they got rid of me with no warning, picking the WORST day of my life to do so. This after I was sick for EIGHT years! I think it was no mistake she chose that day.
Even then, after a few months I tried to reach out and communicate. Tried to talk to her like an adult and discuss the issue. And I really, really tried! She gave me the cold shoulder. Then she sends Matt this weird email about how they were so 'worried' about me and stayed up all night looking up narcotics and side effects. They said that since I had unsupervised access to my meds, I was a danger to myself and couldn't be trusted. Hello! This knowing that I've been on these meds for EIGHT years and see my doctor every month (sometimes more than one doc) and ALWAYS talk to them about the meds and hoping I can get off soon. I hate having to take them but have no choice with the pain.
To me, this weird email was their effort at pushing a wedge in between Matt and I. They want him to get rid of me. And she's been sending emails every month now, just talking to him. She pretends I don't exist. Matt finally sent her a reply saying if they were going to pretend I was invisible, don't bother contacting him. That I was his partner and they couldn't just have a relationship with him. Plus, he's really angry about the way they behave and has been for years and years. From way before I met him. So if they weren't going to talk like civil adults and try to fix the problems, don't bother contacting him. They could go their separate ways.
I have such mixed feelings about this. I'm touched and proud of him for standing up to them. But I feel horribly guilty I had anything to do with the estrangement (his mother has still not replied). I wish I could fix it and offered to try again to talk to her. He 'forbid' me, saying they'd just see it as a sign of weakness.
So I've been trying hard NOT to think of my MIL. But I love her and it seems I bump into her everyplace around my house. My favorite sweater she knit me. My favorite blanket, she made me. She loves gardening and crafting (card making) and we used to talk a lot of them. I have literally dozens of beautiful cards she made me and use them as decorations around the house. She's EVERYWHERE and it's driving me nuts!! I think of her multiple times every single day.
My question is: How do you get someone out of your mind? I've tried visualizing a giant hand gently but firmly moving her aside and replacing her with something more positive. I've tried meditation. Yoga. Reading books. Seeing my therapist (when I can drive, which hasn't been often lately sadly). I need advice. I need her OUT of my head!! Please, if anyone has any tips, send them my way! Thank you in advance, as always. Nibs
Christian Scientist excerpt: Christian Science contends that illness is an illusion caused by faulty beliefs, and that prayer heals by replacing bad thoughts with good ones. Christian Science practitioners work by trying to argue the sick thoughts out of the patient’s mind.
Replies
You just pretend they are on a very long extended vacation. You don\'t need to get rid of the items around the house. I am sure it is good that you have fond memories of your MIL. The problem seems to be her not you, just keep your fond memories and all the great items she gave you and not dwell on the negative. If you bump into her someday smile & be polite and say hello how are you doing? If she asks how you are doing again smile & say \"God\'s hand has touched me in a multitude of ways and I thank him every day. How are you?\" Then walk away..
It sounds like by avoiding you & your husband she thinks it will hurt him & he will come running home to his mommy...begging her to love him.....PLEASE....The woman needs to grow up, and stop trying to manipulating her son. Good for your husband to standing up to her. He is right, don\'t talk to her. She is the one who insulted you and him. Let her come to you and apologize....If anything she needs not to judge you and your beliefs.
BE STRONG....
Cheryl