Seeing the Light Phobia
I seem to be gaining ground on the light meditations. I have been doing them since I regained my stability after winter's round of lightmares. I am still dangerously close to triggering from the meditations, but holding my own. I have only gazed curiously at this season's offerings of water rifles I COULD fill with ice water, but haven't even picked them up off the shelves to gaze more closely. The hot neighborhood lights have been safe from my icy marksmanship. So far.
My meditations have led me to a comfort with the source of my light phobia. I spent my first 19 years as straight up sexual prey, first in the country digs my parents preferred, then on the city streets as a throw away kid. Here pussy, pussy, pussy...
What light-agers call darkness saved my bacon with far greater consistency than electric lights ever did. All one needs to do to avoid a light age predator is step outside their circles of light. They are blind as slugs five feet beyond beyond the perimeter of their light. They are sitting ducks for hunters with night adapted eyes. I admit to having used that knowledge in cruel ways more than once. At 19 I found the door by which the prey becomes the predator.
My meditations have also lead me to believe the greater fear of my phobia as it exists today is of becoming as night blind as the average light ager. So much light and so little enlightenment...
My meditations have led me to a comfort with the source of my light phobia. I spent my first 19 years as straight up sexual prey, first in the country digs my parents preferred, then on the city streets as a throw away kid. Here pussy, pussy, pussy...
What light-agers call darkness saved my bacon with far greater consistency than electric lights ever did. All one needs to do to avoid a light age predator is step outside their circles of light. They are blind as slugs five feet beyond beyond the perimeter of their light. They are sitting ducks for hunters with night adapted eyes. I admit to having used that knowledge in cruel ways more than once. At 19 I found the door by which the prey becomes the predator.
My meditations have also lead me to believe the greater fear of my phobia as it exists today is of becoming as night blind as the average light ager. So much light and so little enlightenment...
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