Second one in one day... Kinda scary
So, I've been looking through the depression support group and it made me think. I have Major depression in which I inherited from both of my parents. My father has been off his medication for I'm not sure how long and he keeps trying to tell me to go off of mine, that it's not that bad. HA! Total bull! Has he seen me off my meds lately? No.
When I go off my meds, my depression slinks its way back in and I have done it so many times that I know the warning signs of needing to get back on them. I want to cry at every little thing that goes wrong or I actually do cry. Long story short: emotional breakdown. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that requires me to be on anti-depressants for the long haul of my life.
I basically have 3 goals every day:
"1) Get up
2) Survive
3) Go back to bed"
I don't know who I quoted that from but, ever since I read that, it's stuck. I am in individual therapy as well as group therapy for my mental issues. Depression, borderline personality disorder and codependency.
I am emotionally beat down by someone close to me (someone I'm supposed to look up to) as well as myself. I've been told lie after lie after lie about myself and it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to believe all of the insults I've been told throughout my life. When I'm at a point where I'm down and feeling alone and depressed, those lies I've been told play over and over and over and over again. I beat myself down enough, because in reality, we really can be either our own best friend or our own worst enemy. I don't need someone else to beat me down (do it enough already, thank you).
I don't want to turn into this person that's been emotionally beating me down and I'm terrified I will. I know I need to break the cycle that this person has put into place. The drinking has been the easiest part, the anger and being a bully, not so much. I fight every day to keep my cool and not let myself get to the point of being extremely angry or when I start to continue the cycle of being a bully.
I fight every day to keep my sanity and to "survive this crazy thing called life". (Another quote, I know, sorry). I also fight to survive myself for the people in my life that care about me and love me and show me that I actually am worth it. I fight myself for them, they are my reasons to continue.
When I go off my meds, my depression slinks its way back in and I have done it so many times that I know the warning signs of needing to get back on them. I want to cry at every little thing that goes wrong or I actually do cry. Long story short: emotional breakdown. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that requires me to be on anti-depressants for the long haul of my life.
I basically have 3 goals every day:
"1) Get up
2) Survive
3) Go back to bed"
I don't know who I quoted that from but, ever since I read that, it's stuck. I am in individual therapy as well as group therapy for my mental issues. Depression, borderline personality disorder and codependency.
I am emotionally beat down by someone close to me (someone I'm supposed to look up to) as well as myself. I've been told lie after lie after lie about myself and it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to believe all of the insults I've been told throughout my life. When I'm at a point where I'm down and feeling alone and depressed, those lies I've been told play over and over and over and over again. I beat myself down enough, because in reality, we really can be either our own best friend or our own worst enemy. I don't need someone else to beat me down (do it enough already, thank you).
I don't want to turn into this person that's been emotionally beating me down and I'm terrified I will. I know I need to break the cycle that this person has put into place. The drinking has been the easiest part, the anger and being a bully, not so much. I fight every day to keep my cool and not let myself get to the point of being extremely angry or when I start to continue the cycle of being a bully.
I fight every day to keep my sanity and to "survive this crazy thing called life". (Another quote, I know, sorry). I also fight to survive myself for the people in my life that care about me and love me and show me that I actually am worth it. I fight myself for them, they are my reasons to continue.
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