Second Entry
I'm so grateful to this site for just being here. Yesterday was my first day of being on this site. Before yesterday I knew there was something missing in my life but I didn't know what it was. I thought maybe I could find it on the internet chatting with guys my age but now I know what it was. I now know that I was missing being able to talk to people about what it is like to live with a TBI. I've never actually known anyone that has experienced a TBI other then myself because most of the TBI patients that I've found are adults or teens and I was a child when it happened.
Other then my family everyone else through out my life has looked at me like I'm a freak. Just because I don't look like the normal kid and now adult I'm not a person and I don't deserve respect. Of course whenever I go anywhere people stare at me because my right arm and hand are usually up and in front of me.
Today I was at Barnes & Noble and I was working on my computer and like everytime that I go out there were people looking, staring at me but I know that I can't do anything about this. Then I get this horrible blinding pain in my stomach and my head were the only thing I can do is to put my head down on the table and try to breath through it. I get these pains a lot that's way I'm on the drugs I am but they're not working...nothing's working. I'm just afraid if something doesn't start to work soon I'm going to end up back in the hospital again having another surgery.
Other then my family everyone else through out my life has looked at me like I'm a freak. Just because I don't look like the normal kid and now adult I'm not a person and I don't deserve respect. Of course whenever I go anywhere people stare at me because my right arm and hand are usually up and in front of me.
Today I was at Barnes & Noble and I was working on my computer and like everytime that I go out there were people looking, staring at me but I know that I can't do anything about this. Then I get this horrible blinding pain in my stomach and my head were the only thing I can do is to put my head down on the table and try to breath through it. I get these pains a lot that's way I'm on the drugs I am but they're not working...nothing's working. I'm just afraid if something doesn't start to work soon I'm going to end up back in the hospital again having another surgery.
Replies
Hey there my dear!
Found you! I am so glad that you are connecting with people. I love you, girl. Keep that hope alive and I\'ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
love,
your sister in law
(hug) Here for you! Love the nice comment from your sister-in-law
Thanks I\'m also here for you and your husband. Always!!
You know that I\'m always her for you sister in law. I\'m just hoping that I can find it in myself and the people here to get through the hardest times which is I think right now.
Loreali, I have a bit of insite on the staring....or perhaps not take it for what you will. Before the TBI...and still I would look at someone with an obvious handicap, not to stare, but to pause and wonder what happened to cause their issue, their pain. After the TBI I am more careful to catch their eyes and offer a smile just a spot of encouragement is all I can give. I still wonder what happened but I am more aware of the \"stares\" myself.
I chose to see the abilities I still have and try to carry that over to others in similar situations...part of the reason I try to catch their eyes. Yes, I\'m looking at them, but not as a freak...as a person who hasn\'t given up!!
For those who stare too long...I let them know they were caught staring...it\'s rude and any good parent should have taught them better! That\'s fair game...if not a little self endulgent. Gives me something to laugh at and let those self consious feelings go away. Best one I remember was a grown man staring from accross the room at the scar down the middle of my face from the top of my head down to the tip of my chin....I asked him....do you want me to give you a closer look so you can inspect it?????
He blushed (as he should have) and appologized and quickly walked away. He was a doctor I work with at a hospital. He should have known better!
Walk or stand proudly my friend, lay your head down if you must, but never take it personally. You are a survivor!!
I know what you\'re saying. Just recently I had to have surgery because my brain was filling up with fluiding on the left side. So the doctor\'s had to go in and put in 3 holes in my brain to relieve the pressure. I didn\'t know it at the time but I was so close to going into my second coma.
When I got out I didn\'t have anything on my head and it was a little bit gross and I really didn\'t want to go anywhere. But my mom convienced me to go to Barnes & Noble just to get out of the house for a little bit. She dropped me off because she had an errand to do and I swear the first person to see me walked into a table because they were staring so much and my arm and hand were up. I was in and am still in so much pain that my right arm and hand just go up when I do experience pain. The woman was so clueless that she walked into the table and turned it over. I asked her \"whether she wanted me to take a picture because it would last longer.\" She was shocked enough that she too blushed and walked away.
I had never done anything like that before. Never talked to anyone who was staring at me. I notice that with me it\'s the elderly that stare all the time. I don\'t know if they think their age gives them some rights. And if they are curious then they should come up and ask questions. I have no problem with that.
Right on! I don\'t care how old you are. Manners are manners!! My Grandpa (92) still said you had to have \'em all your life! Hope you\'re feeling better!!