Screwed up again
I messed up again. I cut (twice), hit myself, head banged, purged, and restricted today/tonight. And my therapist seriously just emailed me thanking me for not "getting off track" this weekend. So now I can't tell him. Fuck me.
And my back hurts so bad. It so sore and stiff. I keep trying to stretch and torque it, but it only makes it worse.
I have had no motivation to study for my anthroplogy test tomorrow, so I will likely screw that up too. I just can't seem to geet myself to do it. I am really in a depression right now, and I am losing this battle right now. I don't know. I wish I could let it go. I'm just so tired in every way. And I keep saying that, over and over. I'm scared that my suicidal ideation will end up turning into action. If I get into one of my moods, and I just get really angry, I feel like I could mess up really bad. I don't want to hurt my family, but I am exhausted of this fight.
And my back hurts so bad. It so sore and stiff. I keep trying to stretch and torque it, but it only makes it worse.
I have had no motivation to study for my anthroplogy test tomorrow, so I will likely screw that up too. I just can't seem to geet myself to do it. I am really in a depression right now, and I am losing this battle right now. I don't know. I wish I could let it go. I'm just so tired in every way. And I keep saying that, over and over. I'm scared that my suicidal ideation will end up turning into action. If I get into one of my moods, and I just get really angry, I feel like I could mess up really bad. I don't want to hurt my family, but I am exhausted of this fight.
Replies
Please do not do anything to hurt yourself. You are a Beautiful young woman just like my daughter was. She was 21 year old that could have had anything she wanted in life if only she would have fought her addiction a little longer. It\'s very hard to deal with knowing she should be here with her mother (me), brother, sisters and a niece and nephew that she never met. I know she would have loved them and spoiled them rotten. We miss her so much and wish she was still here with us. You have to think about the ones that care for you the most and want to help you. We are here for a reason. It\'s hard these days to deal with life but you have to deal with it one day at a time. Ask god to help you with whatever you are going through. He can make a way like no other one can for you to get better. You have to have FAITH in him. My heart hurts for you. I will pray that god gives you the strength and peace you need to pull through all this pain you are having. Hang in there. It will get better for you.