Screaming
I am screaming so loud inside of my head that I am literally giving myself a headache. With Christmas right around the corner, I have been feeling so anxious that I feel sick to my stomach. I have all of these memories resurfacing from a year ago. When things were so awful. I am scared of ruining things with my family because I am "the problem child." Even though everyone else has there own issues, its like when it comes to me, it seems like it is the biggest deal in the world. I get in trouble for being sad. I am happy enough. I need to have a more "positive" attitude, but not for myself. When my parents tell me this, they want me to be happier because it will make them comfortable again. And when I am sad and really frustrated, I have to hide it. I feel like no one can handle it. And when I try opening up to people, I get so scared because I am afraid that I will be too much to handle and then they will leave me. I am constantly trying to reassure myself that I am okay. But I base it off of what other people think of me. Because I feel like I am too stupid to know the truth. Everyone else must be right because I don't have the capacity to make good decisions or be a nice and pleasant person. I am just so frustrated and I am so exhausted and I just want to shut the world out. I keep trying and trying but I am constantly getting in my own way. I am always at battle with myself and it just completely tears me apart. I am just so broken. And I don't know how to put the pieces back together.
Replies
Look first and foremost your not broken okay. so you have issues, so does everyone. most people are just to afraid to ask for help. Your a good person with a caring heart. you have just gone through a lot of pain and sometimes we force that pain on to others through anger. Usually the ones we love because we don't want to hurt. You're not a bad person they just need to understand. Where your comming from and be patient. Have you ever tried to explain yourself to them I'm sure their confused.
Yeah they are confused. I keep trying to explain myself but its like I cannot find the words to put together what I am trying to say. I just begin going off on tangents, and saying everything that is on my mind but I cannot put them together
Its just that thoughts and emotions are racing through you, there is nothing bad about you or with you. You don't have to be perfect, or hope to be, its an ideal situation to be perfect but no human being is , don't be so hard on your self. You are only human, with your faults and mistakes, which complete you makes you who you are. Hugs..