SCREAM
He is driving me crazy...... lately i am noticing that AH is quite critical of EVERYONE, other motorists, ofiice staff of his doctors, nurses, doctors, neighbors, his kids, my family, etc. (he is not starting in with me, he knows better). He does have this delusion of superiority, and is so easily frustrated with any thing that interferes with instant gratification. usually i pretend to listen, nod my head and coo halfheartedly.
but i have been noticing the language lately; idiotic phrases like " in the school of thought i was brought up in, this kind of behavior is unacceptable" " how could people be so irresponsible, if i acted like that...." " he really needs to clean up that mess" (this statement addressed to his 24 year old son's car that was sandy after beach season) and in relation to his 27 year old son "what ever happened to filial piety?" he also comments not nicely about their girlfriends " i dont know, something just aint right".
i just want to SCREAM.... in your school of thought is raging alcoholism acceptable? is your particular brand of irresponsibility alright? and you DO act like that and MORE! we all have messes to clean up including YOU! and filial piety...... are you freaking kidding me? what have you done in the last 15 years that would earn you that kind of respect?
so as i sit here looking at him half passed out on the couch pretending he is "tired", i realize what a broken pathetic mess of a man he is. ugh! good he went upstairs to "stretch out".
I remain in an okay place. i cannot change him, and feel no responsibility soothe his anxieties, or even to intervene in ANY situation. it is just that sometimes i get in the mood to just tell him the f*ck off! not worth it though. he is a fool and so deep into his misery he cant find his way home.
but i have been noticing the language lately; idiotic phrases like " in the school of thought i was brought up in, this kind of behavior is unacceptable" " how could people be so irresponsible, if i acted like that...." " he really needs to clean up that mess" (this statement addressed to his 24 year old son's car that was sandy after beach season) and in relation to his 27 year old son "what ever happened to filial piety?" he also comments not nicely about their girlfriends " i dont know, something just aint right".
i just want to SCREAM.... in your school of thought is raging alcoholism acceptable? is your particular brand of irresponsibility alright? and you DO act like that and MORE! we all have messes to clean up including YOU! and filial piety...... are you freaking kidding me? what have you done in the last 15 years that would earn you that kind of respect?
so as i sit here looking at him half passed out on the couch pretending he is "tired", i realize what a broken pathetic mess of a man he is. ugh! good he went upstairs to "stretch out".
I remain in an okay place. i cannot change him, and feel no responsibility soothe his anxieties, or even to intervene in ANY situation. it is just that sometimes i get in the mood to just tell him the f*ck off! not worth it though. he is a fool and so deep into his misery he cant find his way home.
Replies
I started to write about how blaming others is normal addict behavior, but it just hits me differently lately. I traveled to another country when I was younger and they were always in a hurry. I remember being on an escalator that was completely full of people and the woman behind me kept ramming me...with her baby...even though I couldn\'t move. I had another woman hitting me with her cart in the grocery store in a crowd of people that wasn\'t moving. My point is that it was a cultural difference, but I got to a place where I didn\'t care if it was normal there or not ... it\'s RUDE AND MEAN, lol! So that\'s my analogy for addict behavior like finding fault in everyone else. I think the scream is your mind saying it doesn\'t matter if it\'s a symptom of the disease or typical - it still is wrong.
Ugh....this is one of my biggest pet peaves with my hubby. He holds EVERYONE around him to a ridiculously high standard, and allows nothing to be expected of him. You are right about it not being worth it, but I will admit...the occasional \"f*ck off\" slips out of my mouth, lol! You are in an okay place, I am glad you are letting yourself stay there.
Ugh I allowed myself to get pulled into another dialog where \" he feels beaten up\" and I end up GUILTY about the damage I cause just wanting him to somehow see me.I just need to shut up.... I had been doing well and had a moment of anxiety