School is starting and I'm anxious

School is starting tomorrow and I'm so nervous for the school year, it's my last year and I really want to do well, not for college or my family but for myself as well. I want to prove to myself that being Bi-polar isn't holding me back or limiting things for me, that I can be on top of things and beat this but I can already feel myself giving up and thoughts of self hatred keep reminfing me of all the times I've failed and gotten bad grades ect. and how easy it can be to fail. I feel like I can't do it. I'm taking difficult courses, as I always have but 6 college level classes and one intro class seems like a lot and I'm feeling overwhelmed and I can't seem to stop my racing thoughts and emotions. my anxiety levels have been through the roof for the bad couple weeks and it's been driving me insane. I don't know if I can survive an entire year living like this. I know I have to keep strong, remind myself of the good and focus on the things I can control but it's easier said then done when you can't seem to silence the voices in your head and the only way they do is through self harm. sometimes physical pain is preferrable to the mental anguish and at least I know physical pain I can handle, that it will heal unlike my brain. it's scary to know I'll always be like this and with this PTSD and Anxiety all working together to make my life unbareable. I always feel like something bad is on the precipice of happening but with school tomorrow, it's like crazy alarm bells are going off in my head and I can't get them to stop no matter what I do. I can't even cry or scream, I just feel numb, paralyzed with these feelings and thoughts.